Maybe the news should have brought me some sense of justice, but it didn’t.
Estrid was just another in the long list of people who were dead because of me. She and Ella should be happily living out their immortality in their cliffside home in Álfheimr. They should be drinking mushroom tea and cursing godly politics and staying far, far away from human women named Marlow. They could have remained friends with Fauna, enjoying her company, watching the waves from their great bay window the way that immortal friends should.
“Fauna…Fauna’s not coming back, is she.”
It wasn’t a question, so it didn’t receive an answer.
Three lives were over, and it was my fault.
Azrames had taken down a valkyrie, and I was to blame.
I wasn’t sure if he’d ever speak to me again. I wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t. I didn’t want to speak to me either.
On the fifth day, Caliban brought me coffee in bed with honey.
“It’s time,” he said.
I looked at him despondently.
“You need to get in the shower. You need to get dressed. And you need to get back out there and fight. Because you and I both know that Fauna didn’t give her life so that you could fall apart. She believed in you. It’s up to you to end this thing. For her, for you, and for us all.”
I looked into the deep browns of my coffee but saw only the overturned earth and mud as she’d called the very earth to fight for me. I couldn’t feel my arms or legs as I went through the motions of washing my face and brushing my hair. I put on real clothes for the first time in days, but I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror.
Caliban handed me my computer when I emerged from the shower. “Tell your friends you’re alive. You can ignore the other messages.”
I frowned at the flooded inbox. EG had sent successive texts, emails, DMs, and varied forms of communication with preview texts that said things like “Was that you at the concert…”, “Marlow, what’s going on…”, “Everyone at Inkhouse recognized…”, and whatever else they would have said if I had bothered to click on them.
I opened the group chat.
(Marlow) I’m sorry it took so long for me to respond. I didn’t mean to worry you
(Nia) …what happened? Kirbs doesn’t remember anything
(Nia) Kirbs? Wanna repeat what you told me?
(Nia) Kirby?
A moment later, an icon in the corner of my computer screen went off as Kirby called. I took a steadying breath asI answered. The screen filled with their video feed as they looked at me from the safety of their living room.
“Hey, Mar,” they said quietly.
I smiled faintly, but we both knew the motion was disingenuous.
“Can we meet?” they asked.
My brow furrowed. I looked around the apartment for an excuse. No, of course I couldn’t meet. It was offensive that they would even ask, when I could never leave my apartment again. I had to spend the rest of my life in this tomb.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
They frowned at me. “You mean, apart from gods making a public appearance, humanity scrambling for meaning, and the world falling apart?”
“Yeah,” I murmured, “apart from that.”
“Something weird happened after I…after we…Have you spoken to Ella?”
My soul evaporated. My lips parted in speechless horror. I tried to say something, but I could barely bring myself to shake my head. WhatdidKirby remember?
“We went to meet…” Their voice dropped a register. “Actually, I don’t think I should say over the computer. It’s nine a.m. now. Can you be at that coffee shop you like in thirty?”
