I look up.
‘I found it. For you. When you had nowhere else to go. When you were barely getting out of bed—’ he pushes his lips together ‘—I was the one who found this place. Not fate. Me.’
I sit, stunned, his words slamming up a wall between us.
‘I can’t do this any more, Al.’
‘Do what?’
‘This.’ He nods to the notes, the chaos of the room. Me.
Something sharp needles against my ribs. ‘Be a friend? The way I have always been for you? Whensheleft, I was the one who stayed. Who helped you through.Me.’
‘I know.’ He licks his bottom lip. ‘And I will always be grateful for that, but you’ve always been looking for a way out. And I…’ His shoulders slump, his words coming out like a long exhale, quiet and exhausted.
‘I’m done, Al.’
My thoughts fold over themselves. The room feels too small, heat rushing over my skin.
My head is spinning. I don’t even know what he’s trying to say.
‘Done?’ my voice is barely there.
‘With all of this.’ He gestures to the chaos again. ‘With hoping that…’
I glance up at the clock. Time slipping away. ‘Just, let me go…’ I start, and Spence’s attention snaps to me. ‘Let me go meet him. Then we’ll talk. Please, Spence. I have to go.’
He shakes his head, colour running over his cheeks.
‘I know.’ He looks around the room then back to me. ‘You’d rather chase a ghost than see what’s right in front of you.’
He turns and walks out.
The door clicks into the silence.
I sit there. The sounds ringing in my ears. My chest burning.
A gust of wind flutters through the open window, scattering my notes onto the floor. I stare at the closed door then take a deep breath, shove the rest of my clothes into my case and zip it closed.
Michael’s waiting.
28
MICHAEL
21 June 1985
‘Here you go, love.’ Mam passes me a Kwik Save bag, full to bursting. I smile gratefully. She’s done this since I was a teen, packing me more food than I would normally eat in a week.
‘Thanks.’ I lean in and give her a hug.
‘And you’ve got some suncream?’
‘Aye.’
‘Mike?’ Dad thumps his chest with a meaty fist as he coughs, the other pointing to the pad next to the phone. ‘Some lass called for you.’
The hallway tilts. I place my hand against the flowery wallpaper, my heart pounding so loudly in my ears that every other sound is blocked out.
