In every moment.
I keep reaching, image after image, memory after memory… the lines from the article I’ve just written.Sometimes love is there in the sidelines, in the smaller moments, in the spaces between then and now.
My eyes fill; my chest tightens. I wasn’t writing to the reader; I was writing to myself.
I can’t do this again, Al.
My breath snags on an intake; the room stills.
I bring two photos side by side: Michael looking at Kate, me looking at Spence. The expression is almost identical.
I hear Michael’s voice as if he’s crouching down beside me.Aye. Now you’re paying attention.
I sit back.
No.
I’m tired, that’s all. I’m scared he’s going to leave and… I lean forwards again, flipping through the photos.
‘Oh, Spence… how did we miss this?’
He didn’t though, did he? I did.
All this time he’s been waiting. Waiting for me to see what’s been staring me in the face all these years.
I’m in love with him.
It should feel odd, but I think some part of me already knew. The minute I set foot into that chintzy corridor, as soon as I felt his mouth on mine, I knew. I was just too scared to admit it.
I need to tell him.
I scramble up, making my way to the door, pulse hammering. I fiddle with the handle and swing it open, sun bright against my eyes. I blink down at my bare feet. Shit.
What am I doing? I’ve had zero sleep. What if I’m wrong?
Panic grips my lungs, my feet stepping back as if they’re in control. I close the door, my back sinking against it.
Not yet.
I’ll tell him. I will.
But I need to be sure, like really sure. Because if I’m wrong about the way he feels about me, and my own epiphany is just all some mad sleep-depravation caffeine high, then I could lose my best friend.
And I can’t imagine a life without him in it.
49
ALICE
I pry my eyes open, my phone vibrating loudly on the bookshelf. Around me, the detritus of last night remains all over the floor.
I scramble up, feet sliding across the paper carpeting the floor.
‘Spence?’ I ask, but then glance at the screen. ‘Giuditta?’ Disappointment edges my voice.
‘Darling!’
My stomach flips.
