Chapter 5
I’m muttering under my breath as I make my way back into the courtyard, a mere ten minutes from when I left it, when I see a tall, beautiful woman with long blonde hair standing outside the apartment directly across from mine.
It’s the barefoot guy’s apartment.
The same apartment where I just saw a different woman leaving when I was on the phone with Minnie.
Multiple women makes me think of John. And automatically makes me despise Miles, even if he did create this beautiful courtyard.
This woman must’ve already knocked because the door opens and Miles, no longer barefoot, appears. At the sight of her, he smiles, opens his arms, and pulls her into a tight hug.
As he does, his eyes meet mine, and I force myself to look away. What do I care if my across-the-courtyard neighbor is a middle-aged man who has a thing for much younger women?
Still, I dare one more glance in his direction, and I’m pretty sure I’m doing a bad job of hiding my annoyance.
Knock it off, Claire. This is none of your business.
I unlock my door and duck inside, close the curtains, and exhale a long breath.
I walk over to my table, grab my journal, and add a new item under number eight.
Now the list reads...
I want to do the things that scare me.
Have a meal by myself. In public.
Strike up a conversation with a stranger.
Try new foods I’ve never had or can’t pronounce.
And the new one...
Download dating app.
I don’t have to open it or anything. I just need to put it on my phone. That feels like plenty. Because if Idoever fall for someone again, it’s not going to be anytime soon.
I walk into the small first-floor bathroom and flip on the light. I’m slightly disheveled after my walk, my hair windblown and my cheeks pink.
I look at my reflection, smoothing my hair and thinking again how badly I need to get to a salon. “That’s what you should do, Claire. Something nice for yourself. You deserve it.” I lean forward, noticing my skin could also use a refresh.
When John and I were married, my appearance was a part of my job, but now I can take care of my hair and skin simply because I want to. For me.
I can even change my look if I want to.
I’m thankful to learn that with some diligent plucking and my new best friend—root cover-up—I’ve been able to keep the gray away, and as I stare at myself, I think maybe Claire 2.0 will be less fussy. More natural. More relaxed.
And just like that, I know how to spend the night. To rescue it from the feeling of failure that followed me home.
Maybe I’m not ready to go out to eat alone, but I can still cross one thing off my list.
Try new foods I’ve never had or can’t pronounce.
God bless Lorraine. After I met her the first time, she showed up at my door the next morning with a stack of takeout menus and said, “Life’s too short for bad takeout.”
As I grab the stack and flip through the menus, I realize how narrow my food experience has been. I’ve never had Indian, or Thai, or Mediterranean, or numerous other kinds of food represented by this pile of menus.
John was a bland, boring, picky eater, so I was too.
