But at least I’ll know, right?
The weight of the past year suddenly comes crashing in on me, and I’m momentarily mentally paralyzed.
I can’t do this.
Then, just when I expected it the least and needed it the most, I get a text from Minnie.
It’s a selfie of her on the London Bridge, grinning so wide it makes my heart skip a beat.
Iloveher in this photo, and my heart aches to be around her. I reach down with two fingers and zoom in on her face when my phone vibrates again.
Minnie: Living my best life!
I stare at the words, marveling at how I managed to raise a daughter who doesn’t seem to be afraid of anything, and I wonder what she thinks of who I’ve become.
Claire: It’s so beautiful! Are you having fun?
Minnie: The best time, Mom! You should come visit!
Claire: Maybe I will!
Minnie: How’s Chicago? Have you seen a lot of the city yet?
Claire: Not yet, but I’m on my way to eat right now.
Somewhere I’ve never been.
Food I’ve never tried.
I’m terrified.
And I am. Lists are great and all, but they’re on paper, and you can cross them out or rip them up, no damage done.
Doingthe things on the list? Actuallydoingthem?
Terrifying.
Minnie: Good. You deserve to have an adventure of your own.
Those words hit. Do Ideserveit?
Yes, my relationship fell apart in an epically awful way, but I don’t know if the universe owes me some great debt.
Claire: I’ve had plenty of adventures this past year... What I need now is a little bit of calm.
My phone buzzes in my hand, and Minnie’s face pops up on the screen. I answer the FaceTime call with a smile. “Hey, you!”
“Mom,” Minnie says in a stern voice. “We need to redefine ‘adventure.’”
“I’d rather hear about Oxford.”
“I’ll tell you all about Oxford, but first we need to talk about you.”
I groan. “You know that’s not my favorite subject.” I prop the phone up and pull on my jacket, then stick my AirPods in my ears.
I know what’s coming. I’ve had many pep talks from my daughter over the last several months, and it’s not how I want our relationship to go. She doesn’t need to be taking care of me—it needs to be the other way around.
“Finding out your husband is cheating on you and then hiding in your house for almost a year isnotan adventure.”
