“Did you two just kiss for the first time in my kitchen?” she asks as if the location was really that important.
“No,” I tell her.
She tilts her head in confusion only before she straightens in understanding.
“We kissed the other night. It was kind of a spur of the moment thing, and this was just…”
“Just what?” she presses.
“Maybe more heat of the moment.”
“I’d say. But you’re just now telling me this? Hannah, that is like a no matter the time-of-day call. You wake me up at two in the morning with information like this.”
“I don’t know what it means.”
“What it means?”She throws her hands up. “It means that you met almost two years ago and had sparks flying even then. Then you met him again a year later and you went home and filed for divorce, and now you two are connected at the hip and holding hands and falling for each other and nowmaking out? Hannah don’t tell me you don’t know what that means.”
“I know what it means for now,” I admit. “I just don’t know what it could mean for us long term, but I'm not worrying about that right now. I am having fun and embracing the moment, isn’t that what everyone keeps telling me to do? To give it a chance? To enjoy this?”
“Does Tanner think this is just for fun?” Lauren’s mouth settles into a straight line. “I didn’t think you would have some casual summer fling with him! I thought you get to this point and give him a real chance. He’s not casual and you’re treating him like he is.”
Her words sting. She has spent a year and a half begging meto loosen up. Give him a chance, and here I was doing exactly that, and she finds something to pick at.
“Every person involved knows Winnie and I are going home after the wedding and that will be that. I have told you guys this a million times, but nobody has wanted to listen.”
“Hannah.”
“No, don’tHannahme.” There is a heavy strain on my words. “I have spent my whole life living for everyone else. I have spent it taking care of you, taking care of Ethan, taking care of Winnie. Every decision I have made in my entire life has revolved around someone else andtheirhappiness. So, forgive me for once Lauren, if I choose my own happiness. Just like everyone has been begging me to do. Even if it’s going to end in my heart being shattered because of course I know this isn’t just for fun. I’m going to be devastated when it’s over. But I can’t afford to let myself hope that this could be more. I can’t afford to let myself make another life-changing decision because of a man. So let me have this. Let me enjoy a handsome guy being nice to me for a few months. Because I know I will never find someone who makes me feel this way and this is all I get of him.”
I turn on my heel, dip out the back door and look around the party. My heart is crashing in my chest and Tanner spots me as soon as I spot him. I don’t even make it off the deck before he’s standing in front of me.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” His eyes are searching mine frantically for an answer.
“Nothing.” I shake my head. “I'm okay, I just— I need fresh air.”
“Are you sure?”
“Positive.” I force a smile and notice the red plumpness of his lips and a touch of my makeup on his nose.
I reach up and wipe it away as his brow quirks in confusion.
“Just evidence of me on your face.”
He loops a hand around my waist pulling me against him. “Hannah, there is so much more evidence of you on me than just your makeup on my face.”
Heat pools inside of me and it stays there like a deep hunger I can’t satiate. Even with all the kisses on shoulders, hands cupping faces, fingers on hips. It isn’t enough.
Later, while we watch the fireworks that the Hamilton brothers light off, I wonder if Lauren is right. That this needs a serious effort and that leaving doesn’t have to be the end of this. Maybe this really could be just the beginning.
29
“Alright Win, I know we talked about being on your best behavior at Tanner’s house, but I mean it extra tonight. Mr. Auclair is the mayor, and we want to be extra respectful and not get into anything.”
“I am always good,” she calls from the back seat.
“I know honey, it’s good to have a reminder. Especially when we are feeling nervous.”
“I'm not feeling nervous.”
