We play round after round of different rigged games. Basketballs into oblong hoops, baseballs at weighted bottles and darts at under-inflated balloons. By the time we come to the ping pong balls into fishbowls, we are three cotton candies, two lemonades, and five corndogs in, and the idea of having to take home a goldfish might just put me over the edge.
“Tan!” Winnie yanks on his shirt. “I want one.”
“You got it,” he says instantly.
The two walk up while Rhett, Lauren and I stand back. The weathered looking woman explains the rules and Tanner cracks his knuckles and rolls his shoulders. Winnie stands by his side, hands clasped together and popping up and down.
“What are you going to do?” Rhett asks. He’s standing there next to me, arms crossed, watching this all unfold.
“I guess if they win, we are stopping on the way home and getting some fish food.”
“No,” he says. “I mean when it’s time to leave at the end of the summer. What are you going to do?”
I look at him, and he has this almost sad look on his face. It’s a fair question. He doesn’t want to see his friend hurt and so far, Tanner and I have continuously crossed lines we have tried to draw. Lauren was right. Whatever is going on between us isn’t casual.
“I don’t know,” I admit. “I thought I would leave and return to my real life.”
“But?” Lauren pushes.
“There’s no clean break here,” I say just loud enough for it be said on record.
The game attendant, Tanner and Winnie all throw their hands up into the air with a cheer and I realize I'm bringing home a half dead goldfish tonight.
Tanner spins to Winnie and lifts her up, making her squeal.
“I cannot believe you did that,” I tell him through a gritted tooth smile as they rejoin us.
“Anything for that girl.” He shrugs.
Winnie holds up the baggy that now homes the ill-looking fish. “Mom! Look! They gave me food for him too!”
“I see!” I fake shock and wonder before squatting down in front of her. “What are you going to name it?”
“Tanner,” she says with a stone straight face before running up between Rhett and Lauren, showing off her new pet.
Tanner’s hand bumps into mine as we walk behind them, my breath hitching at even the slightest of touches. I pretend to not notice until I feel his fingers slipping between mine.
“It’s not this easy,” I tell him, but I don’t let go. And I pray he doesn’t either.
“But it feels this easy.” He kisses the back of my hand. “I mean everything with usfeelseasy, doesn’t it? Dinner on the balcony, sitting on my porch, talking on the phone, finding you in a room.”
He’s right. Maybe that’s what scares me. My walls I’ve built seem to crumble the moment he’s around. The moment I catch a brush of his hand, the smell of his cologne, the hovering stares, the walls around my heart that I have spent a long time fortifying, deteriorate. Or maybe he’s just been disassembling them with care and kindness and that damn mustached smirk this whole time.
“Mom, can we go on the Ferris wheel now?” Winnie turns and asks, spotting Tanner’s hand in mine.
“Uh—” I look at Tanner, then at our hands, then up to asmiling Rhett and Lauren. “Maybe Aunt Laurey or Uncle Rhett can take you?”
Lauren shakes her head in a quick no, which I should have expected. Our shared fear of heights is minimal, but Ferris wheels will do it.
Rhett shakes his head. “I won’t even go on an elevator if I don’t have to.”
“Come on.” Tanner squeezes my hand again and pulls me forward. “We are going to get over some fears together.”
Winnie skips over, taking Tanner's free hand and he guides us, well guides her and drags me, over to the line. The front of the line.
“Hey Bert.”
“Tanner Auclair,” Bert, a leather-tanned man with gray chest hair backdropping a gaudy gold and diamond link necklace, booms. “Come on through bud.”
