He opens my door and when he gets in on his side, he grips the wheel until his knuckles are white, but he doesn’t start the truck.
“I'm sorry I never said anything,” he says quietly. “You’ve spent months telling me about your life, about your ex, and I couldn’t even bring myself to tell you that I had a failed engagement and that you were friends with my ex.”
I chew on my lip, my facade cracking. “Why couldn’t you?”
“At first, I was embarrassed by what happened with her. Then, I thought if you made friends, and if Winnie had friends, then maybe you would stay. I know you won’t stay for me, I get that, but I—” He stops and bites at the inside of his cheek. “But I hoped you would stay and I wasn’t about to care what helped the cause.”
He cranks the key when I don’t say anything and backs out of the parking spot. We are silent the rest of the drive back to the apartment.
“We dated for a few years in high school,” he finally says when he pulls up outside my door. “After we graduated, she got pregnant, so I assumed I just needed to do the right thing and propose to her. I decided to keep working at the auto shop instead of going to school. I was young and just assumed that’s what love was, you know? It was simple and no big emotions. So, she was pregnant and though I didn’t really want to be with her, I did want to be a dad, and I thought marrying her was my only way to really stay in my kid’s life. I had this weird anxiety about all of it too, and I just blamed it on the fact that I believed I was about to be a dad.”
“How did you find out the baby wasn’t yours?”
He laughs an unfunny laugh. “I almost didn’t. I had spent all those months going to doctors’ appointments and ultrasounds and reading baby name books. Then one night, I was having dinner with Rhett’s family at the diner, and Jack came out and saw he had a flat tire. It was faster to grab a jack from the shop than his house. So, I swung by the shop after hours. Proctor Morton was the manager and had given me a key because he was always late getting there in the mornings. Anyway, I noticed the office light was still on, so I swung over to turn it off and found Proctor Morton and Riley literally having sex on the desk.”
“Oh my God.”
He rubs his jaw and purses his lips off to the side. “Yeah. It all hit me so fast. I asked her if the baby was even mine and she just shook her head no and I left.”
“Proctor Morton, as in Morton’s Bar?”
“Kinda. His mom, Willa, runs the bar. His brother Porter has a coffee roastery business.” He drops his head back against the headrest. “Proc quit after everything went down. He and Riley are married now.”
“That’s how you got Winnie into the Y. She really did owe you.”
He blows out a laugh and turns his head to face me. “I was hurt by them, but I couldn’t be more thankful that it happened. That’s why I don’t hate her and don’t mind you guys being friends. If they hadn’t done what they did, I don’t know if I would have ever ended things. I would have just settled and married her with no real clue of what love felt like.”
“Do you think you know what it feels like now?”
He nods. “I’m starting to think I do.”
I realize now he’s holding my hand, and his thumb is rubbing circles into the back of it. I lift our hands together and kiss the back of his because I have no words that seem adequate for this moment. Because damn it, I am starting to think I know what it might feel like too. No matter how hard I fight it.
“Will you call me later?” I ask.
He unlaces our hands and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. “I’ll call you whether you answer or not.”
Upstairs, Mayben is watchingBack to The Future, and the apartment is cleaner than it has been since we moved in.
“She just fell asleep.” She smiles and stands.
I dig through my purse to find some cash. “Thanks again. I really appreciate you watching her.”
“Oh, don’t you dare try and pay me.” She grabs her bag. “I need all the practice I can get.”
My eyes flutter to her stomach and then back to her eyes. “The test at the grocery store?”
“It was positive. I haven’t told anyone else yet. Only Jackie.”
“Congratulations.” I wrap her in a hug.
“Thank you. I can’t wait to bond with Lauren over it. Two Atwood grandkids at almost the same time!”
Her words are so genuine and sweet. So, I'm surprised when they sting. This is something she and Lauren will share together as sister in laws. As a family. Without me.
“Nice flowers by the way.” She tips her head toward the big bouquet on the counter.
“Oh they’re?—”
