There’s a shimmer in his big golden-brown eyes under the low lights and I let my heart and the remainder of my beer make the decision for me.
I set my empty bottle on a nearby table, take one of the beers from his hand, then let him pull my body into his. There’s no telling whose personal space is whose, when all I can feel is this cheap alcohol slowly coursing through my system and the warmth of Tanner's body against mine.
With his hand on my lower back, holding me against him, Tanner leans down, his lips brushing my ear. “It’s okay. Nobody here knows you.”
I pull back to look at his eyes. “But everybody here knows you.”
He leans back down, his smile against my ear is dangerous. “I don’t give a shit about a single other person in this room right now.” The warmth from his breath on my neck and the gravel of his voice sends goosebumps racing down my body.
I can’t find any words worth saying, so, I drape my arm over his shoulder and let him sway our bodies back and forth.
“See,” he says. “This isn’t so bad.”
“It could be worse I guess,” I admit and I turn his hat backwards.
He shakes his head and flexes his fingers against my back. “You’re going to be the death of me.”
“Yeah? How’s that?”
“The fact that you showed up, looking like you do, and act so casual about it, baffles me.”
“I’m wearing shorts to a bar. It’s hardly remarkable.”
He shakes his head. “I don’t mean just tonight. I mean you showing up at the bar in Chicago. Here in my hometown. Hannah, we are in the smallest, shittiest bar in the entire state of Michigan, dancing to a terrible cover band, drinking cheap beer, and yet you’re still here in my arms. I think that is the exact definition of remarkable.”
“Those are just facts of our current situation. Nothing to do with me.”
He shakes his head and licks his lips. “Hannah, it has everything to do with you. It always has had everything to do with you.”
Suddenly a blonde elf of a person appears mere inches from us, staring up at Tanner with big eyes.
“Tanner Auclair?” The girl’s voice is sticky sweet and drunk.
Tanner looks over, still in my perfumed haze. He doesn’t say anything at first, he just blinks, like he’s shocked that other people exist here.
“It’s Vesta Miller?” She tilts her head like that means something, and he stares blankly before something clicks in his expression.
“Oh, Vesta, right, listen I—” His eyes flick to mine then back to the short blonde with big blue eyes and minimal clothing.
“It’s so good to see you,” she coos, batting her eyelashes and ignoring my arm around his neck and his hands clinging to my waist. “When are we going to go out again?”
I feel my jaw drop and eyebrows jump. My first instinct is to grill him. My second is to lay her out. Jealousy is crawling to thefront seat and ready to question who the fuck this girl is and why she thinks she can look at him like that. I want to dig my claws into Tanner’s shoulders. He’s mine, and standing here in yet another shitty run-down bar, I know it’s true. I know he’s mine. He has proved that over and over again.
But am I his? Can I really stake a claim on him if I haven’t given him what he has so freely given me? Though I stand here clutching him like a possessive animal, I don’t think I have the right to. I have no right to his heart, especially when I can’t fully give him mine.
I drop my hands from Tanner’s arm and choke out a lie. “Glad to see you took my advice.”
He cocks his head to the side and narrows his gaze. “What advice?” His voice is bewildered as I turn and slip back through the crowd, biting my lip and blinking my stupid burning eyes. “Hannah, wait?—”
I spot Lauren near the bar talking into Rhett’s ear, so I dodge away toward the bathrooms, not wanting to address a single thing that just happened. Especially the unwarranted jealousy boiling up in my chest. I burst through the bathroom door and look at myself in the mirror. I swipe away the stray tear and wonder how I’ve been so dumb.
Of course I had feelings. And pretending that I didn’t obviously hasn’t helped. This has all been reckless. Dancing with him, letting his lips find their place on my neck, letting my body melt into his every time we stand just a little too close to each other. Yet, I have no right to be upset. I have pushed him away again and again and yet here I am, dabbing under my eyes with cheap brown paper towel when the door swings open.
“Hannah.”
My eyes find Tanner’s in the mirror as he stands behind me.
“This is the ladies’ room.”
