“You look like you had tears in your eyes.”
I look back at the circle of adults welcoming Winnie. “You guys are all just really nice. It was never like this growing up.”
Tanner trades my empty beer for his mostly full one. “Well, just wait until we get into a marshmallow toasting contest. All niceties are out the window. This family doesn’t play around.”
I look around at thisfamilyand see how my sister has fit in so perfectly with them. These new sisters, new friends, and I don’t recognize this new life of hers and yet she has never seemed more herself.
“Well.” Rhett claps his hands together. “Since you’re all here…”
Everyone freezes and turns to face him. The boys look clueless as to what’s coming next, but Mayben and Gwen look ateach other, then at Lauren. Some sort of female instinct hitting them. Tanner steps closer behind me so his chest is against my shoulder. I won’t admit that I lean into him while everyone’s attention is on Rhett and my sister.
“What? What is it?” Jackie asks while Gwen stares at the unopened beer in Lauren’s hands.
“Oh my God, is she—” Tanner’s voice trails off.
“We’re having a baby,” Lauren squeaks out and suddenly there isn’t a dry eye in this yard, which is confirmed by the sniffle over my shoulder.
8
Ihear the groaning before I even open my eyes. Within moments, I find Lauren sitting on the bathroom floor, hovering over the toilet. Her eyes are closed, hair a mess, and the light is off. I take out my hair tie and pull her hair back with it instead. Then I grab a towel, soak it in cool water and hand it to her as I join her on the floor.
“When does this part get better?” Her voice is small and unsteady.
“Once I was out of my first trimester with Win, it got better. Do you have any idea how far along you are?”
She shakes her head. “Not far, four or five weeks maybe? My period is never consistent.”
When I found out I was pregnant with Winnie, Ethan and I hadn’t even been official. He said things were better casual. Even though he had already met my family. Even though I had been loyal to him like he asked. Even though I spent most nights in his bed.
Then, suddenly, things weren’t casual. I was standing in my college apartment bathroom, alone, with the double lines on every test I took.
All I could think was that I was scared to tell Ethan because I knew he would be mad. And he was. Mad that I wanted to keep the baby. Mad that this meant commitment he wasn’t ready for. His parents insisted we get married to spare the law firm the bad press and Ethan, if anything, is loyal to that damn firm.
Now, however, when I look at Lauren and Rhett, I don’t see the same scared kids backed into a corner. These two are planning their life together anyway. This pregnancy is a happy surprise. They have so much more ahead of them than those lonely nights I faced with a newborn and absent husband.
Lauren retches again before resting back against the wall.
“You alright?” Rhett stands in the doorway.
“This is your fault,” Lauren croaks, keeping her eyes closed.
“What’s his fault?” Now Winnie appears at Rhett’s side.
“Nothing,” I tell her. “Aunt Laurey just isn’t feeling very good.”
“You know.” Lauren looks up at me. “You would be a good nurse.”
“Absolutely not.” I shake my head. “Blood is not my thing.”
“Mommy we all have blood,” Winnie informs me.
“And doesn’t being a parent involve blood?” Rhett asks.
“Ethan usually took care of it.” Now this makes Lauren raise her eyebrows.
It’s a fair reaction. When you think of apathetic parents, my mom doesn’t even compare to Ethan. That man would have rather sat locked in his office on hushed phone calls rather than spend a dinner with his wife and daughter at the kitchen table.
But when it came to blood, if he was around, he thrived. I always joked he would have made a great doctor. Seeing people in pain never really phased him. It had only been a few times, like Winnie falling off her scooter, or when I cut my finger with a knife. He would talk slow and quiet, quick to calm both of our nerves. It was one of the things that gave me hope that we mightbe okay. That maybe compassion lurked somewhere beneath his hard surface.
