I shrugged. “Just the one who got away, I guess.”
“Just?” Taylor scoffed, and I had almost forgotten he was still there. “I’ve known you for way too long man. And the look on her face when she came looking for you that night? Whatever you had wasn’tjustanything.”
“Yeah, well. Just because someone is the love of your life, it doesn’t mean you’re theirs.”
Mom shook her head. “You had that girl in tears when you sent her away with those flowers. You’re an idiot if you think she doesn’t love you too.”
“I was an idiot to think I ever stood a chance.” I hefted the folding tables and sign and walked them to the bed of my truck.
When I opened my door, I found the carnations I gave her. The entire time she held them in the hospital, I wanted to take them back and throw them away. I didn’t want to say goodbye. I didn’t want my love to be unrequited. I just wanted her.
I stared at the yellow flowers and dragged the back of my hand across my cheek, catching the tears that fell. In a moment, I had picked them up tossed them as hard as I could at the inside of the windshield. The yellow petals seemed to explode against the glass.
My mom approached as I sat there staring at the crumpled remnants of the bouquet. She slid into the passenger seat and reached over for my hand like she always has.
“Tanner Irwin.” She sighed and rubbed her thumb across my knuckles. “What mess have you gotten your heart into?”
“I love her Momma,” I choked out. “I am so in love with her but she’s still going back to him. After everything, I’m losing her. I’m losing Win and it’s actually killing me. I can’t sleep. I haven’t shaved in weeks. I haven’t washed my sheets because they smell like her. It’sher, Mom. She’s the love of my life, but what if I’m not hers? What if I have to go the rest of my life without her then have to watch her settle for a fraction of what she deserves from afar?”
My mom sat with my words for a minute. Her hand never pausing or hesitating. Just steady and smooth movements against my scarred skin.
“I don’t know her the way you know her, but I do know adoleful woman when I see one. She is grieving the loss of the life she thought she was signing up for. Now, she’s here, seeing her sister get what she always dreamed of. If Hannah is anything like me, and I think she is, she is trying to keep her head on her shoulders. Keep it together for those she loves and she’s trying to do the right thing. Make the right choice.”
“And going back to him is the right choice? How can that be the right thing? How can a person who cheated on her foryearsbe the right choice? How can she not see that she deserves so much more than what that man can give her. Hell, more than what I can even give her?”
“Because. She isn’t thinking about herself. I have a feeling she’s never going to make the easy choice. But she will make the choice she thinks is the safest, and sometimes what you know, feels like the safest option. In fact, I think you know all about that. You almost married yourself right into it if it weren’t for Riley being a conniving little bi?—”
“Mom.”
“Right. Sorry. But I’m right. And you may need to look within yourself for some answers before you can blame Hannah for choosing what she knows.” She brought my hand to her cheek for a moment, then kissed my knuckles. “I don’t think it’s over yet for you two and if you give up on her now, then I’ll ground you into the next decade.” She gave my cheek a few pats then slipped out of the truck.
After Rhett and Lauren’s rehearsal, I watched as Bailey Hamilton approached Hannah from across the diner and I knew that it wasn’t going to be good. I tried to make it across the restaurant to intercept him, but I approach them right as Baily is telling her that I called her hot. I smacked him upside the head, but he rubbed it with a smirk.
“I did not say hot,” I said. As If I would ever degrade her with such a simple word.
“Oh right. What did you say? The love of your life? The one that got away?”
For fuck’s sake. I would make sure he had extra shit to deal with on the farm on Monday. Literally.
I was nearly running out the door after Hannah, calling out to her when she whipped around with a look I have never seen on her before. And she ripped me a new one. She was heartbroken and confused and hurt and I wanted to squeeze her. I wanted to kiss her. I wanted her.
“You’re the one leaving, Hannah!” My voice was unrecognizable to both of us.
“And look how hard you’re fighting me on that.” She shook her head as tears brimmed her eyes. “I’m not pregnant by the way. So, you’re in the clear. You’re getting the clean break you wanted.”
Suddenly my vision had zoomed in, seeing her in crystal clear flashes before it retreated, leaving her blurry and driving away. She wasn’t pregnant, I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t see, she wasn’t pregnant and I couldn’t move.
“Tan.” Rhett clapped me on my back, and I think the hit restarted my heart. I blinked at the now empty road then at my childhood best friend. “You alright man?”
I shook my head, unable to speak. But what words were there. She wasn’t pregnant and my heart was shattered.
Rhett and I ended up at my place, siting on the front deck drinking beers. I had already set into motion opening the place up, and I was going to surprise Hannah with the paperwork before things went south. I was only following through because it felt like the only thing I could do to stay close to her and Winnie.
“Do you want to talk about?—”
“Nope.” I cut him off. “How’s the new book coming along?”
“You know Lauren only has me here tonight to figure outwhat went down between you and Hannah. Neither of you are talking.”
