“Winnie. We have to go!” I call to her, my voice cracking and breaking with my heart.
She hugs him and then climbs down the fence and tramples back over. No idea that this is a goodbye.
“Mommy, did you see?” She is full of pink cheek laughter. “I named the cow Hannah. After you. Cause she’s cute, like you.”
I wipe another stray tear and shut the door behind her. I ignore Tanner’s stares as I get behind the wheel and steer the car away from what I thought could have been my home. Whatshouldhave been my home.
39
Acouple of weeks later, I am online looking up houses near Mom and Paul’s house and Winnie’s school back in Illinois. No matter how modern or beautiful or updated any of them are, they aren’t here. They aren’t near Lauren, the Green Branch Y, or Tanner’s farm.
When I’m not house hunting, I am checking my email repeatedly, waiting for an official email from Ethan or his lawyer. I drop Winnie off at the Y every morning, then I go back to the apartment, drink an ungodly amount of coffee, and think through every possible outcome this could bring. I will of course fight him. That much I know, but if they decide otherwise, not only will Winnie have to spend extended amounts of time with Ethan, but so will I. The thought makes me physically ill.
The lack of contact from Tanner breaks my heart the longer his silence stretches. And as the sleepless nights pass, I spiral into the reality that I’m leaving in a few weeks and obviously his feelings have changed. I lay awake staring at the long dead flowers from our weekend together on my dresser and grapple with how perfectly things came together and how tragically they are falling apart.
“The purple boots are perfect,” I tell Winnie.
We were halfway out the door when she decided she needed a full outfit change before we could leave for the farmer’s market.
“What about my cub’s shirt? What if Tanner is wearing his hat? We should match.” She runs back to her room, and I hear the ruffling as she changes. She comes back out in the shirt and overalls.
“Perfect. Now let’s go. Aunt Laurey and Uncle Rhett are waiting for us.”
“Wait.” She flies back into her room again and when she comes back out, nothing is different.
“What did you change?” I ask.
She peeks into the pocket at the top of her overalls. “I have some dollars. Tanner gave them to me for helping babysit the sheep. I can buy something.”
“How much?” I ask and when I lean over, I see a wad of cash and some loose change in her little front pocket.
“Tanner gave you this?” I pull it out and count out over a hundred dollars.
She nods. “It was all he had in his pockets.”
“Okay, well let’s slow down. This is a big amount. Let’s take just a little bit, and you can save the rest to buy something nice.”
“Well, I already used some to buy him his hat.”
I shake my head and hand her one of the ten-dollar bills and put the rest away, earmarked with her name on it.
We head down to the now blocked-off main street and find Lauren in a light blue sundress that reveals her little baby bump. She sips a big plastic cup of lemonade while Rhett rubs her back.
“Oh, Win!” Lauren waves us over. “Come try this!”
Both sides of the street are lined with tents and vendors, selling their vegetables, fruits, baked goods, and jellies. A guy has his guitar case open for tips as he plays in the center of the people-packed road. The entire street is more alive than I have seen it all summer.
Winnie happily accepts every sample that is offered her way. She gets a little face painting of a paw print on her cheek at one tent and gets a water balloon yoyo from the next.
Then I see the tent before Winnie does, but only for a few brief moments. I watch Tanner as he shuffles through the flower stems in buckets of water. He trims them and arranges them carefully. A piece of plywood rests in front of his tent and is roughly painted with the words,Auclair Gardens.
“Tan!” Winnie lets go of Lauren’s hand and dives through the crowd, right up to his stand.
“Auclair Gardens?” Lauren looks at Rhett. “Did you know he was going to do a stand?”
“I heard you’re the mastermind behind it,” a voice behind us says.
We all turn to find Mayor Dan Auclair standing there with his hands on his waist. He’s wearing jeans and a Green Branch Football T-shirt.
