“I just—” I take in an uneven breath. “I just wish I could actually move on.”
“You will. One day,” he says and pats my knee. “I’m going to walk everyone down to the diner. Join us if you want. Or if you need to pull a Lauren and clean until your knuckles bleed, then do it. But please, don’t let Ethan’s threats ruin your plans. Okay?”
I nod, even though I don’t really mean it. I just want to go find Tanner. I want to bury myself in his arms and tell him everything and have him, in turn, tell me everything is going to be fine. Even if it’s a lie. Because I need to tell him that I’m leaving. And I need him to talk me out of it.
Hannah: Hey, are you still coming over after work? I need to talk to you.
Tanner: can’t tonight, maybe tomorrow.
I stare at my phone and triple check that I texted the right person. Because what the fuck?
I dial his number.
No answer.
Hannah: We don’t have to talk about Dollie. I have something else going on that I need to tell you.
Tanner: Hannah, i’m sorry. i can’t.
The words read severely more permanent that just tonight and something in my gut feels it too. Was the news about Dollie too much? Was being away from me sobering him up?
No. This isn’t right. This isn’t how this is supposed to go. He should be talking sense into me. Telling me to stay.
I throw on my shoes, run down the steps and over to the auto shop where I spot Taylor inside, wiping the sweat from his temple with a shop rag.
“Hey Hannah.” He looks up, surprised to see me. “What’s up?”
“Where’s Tanner?”
He cocks his head to the side. “He took the night off. He came in and said he had dinner plans with you, actually.”
My stomach churns. He didn’t come by. What was he really doing? Why is he icing me out all of a sudden?
I pull my phone out. I call again and this time he answers.
“You aren’t at the shop. Tell me you’re okay.”
He sighs. “Yes, I’m fine. I’m at home feeding the sheep. I will call you tomorrow.”
His words lack their usual warmth and instead are replaced by distance and a cool chill.
“If I did something?—”
“Hannah,” he snaps and the tears well up in my eyes already blurring the parking spot where his truck isn’t parked. “Can we please talk tomorrow? It’s been a kind of a big day, and I really can’t talk about it.”
“Yet, right? You don’t want to talk about ityet.”
I hear him sniffle. Even though I can tell he has pulled the phone away, I hear the thickness in his voice and the wavering of his chin.
“Goodnight Han.”
“I love you,” I tell the now ended call.
Next thing I know, I am setting up Winnie’s bed for Sebastian to stay the night, telling him that I am glad he told me, telling my parents goodnight, floating through the motions of getting Winnie bathed and to bed on the couch like she insists. Until finally, I am crawling into my own bed.
Only moments pass before I hear the door creak open and the little whisper asking if she can sleep with me.
“Since when do you ask?” I tease and pull her in.
