“It involves a bed.”
“I mean, does it have to?”
“Good point. We need only two things. My dick. Your pussy.”
“There’re more holes to fill than—”
I yanked her face up and brought it up to me. “Cazzo, I love you, woman.”
She shrugged, her movements all nonchalant but her words loaded with meaning. “I kind of like you, too.” And just like that, she moved over another hurdle. It may not have been a lot for another, but for me, it was the fucking moon. Words were her worst enemy, and my wife didn’t dish out sweet ones.
“Show me how much then.”
And that she did.
CHAPTER SIX
ONE YEAR LATER
ORIETTA
Iwas back. No matter how hard I tried, it was a habit I couldn’t break. Worse. The frequency of my visits had increased. Luigi knew it, but he never admonished me for it. The only other person who knew of it was my therapist. I was okay with both of them knowing. They knew so much worse about me.
Lia was clearly having a tantrum. Unhappy about something Mamma was asking of her. Even standing outside, just before midnight in the dry August air, I could feel the tension strumming inside her coiled body. I wanted to yank out the thing that was bringing her so much pain.
Whatever Mamma was asking of her became too much, and her hand wrapped around the pasta dough roller and smashed it against the wall.
My chest constricted. Lia was prone to violence when she was pushed, but she’d never done it in front of Mamma. Her face was crimson with rage. Mamma’s paled on the other side of the counter. After a beat, Lia stormed out of the room and lefther alone, and Mamma broke like a vase clattering to the floor. Her hands came to her face, and her shoulders shook with sobs. I didn’t even know why it bothered me. But it did. Annoyingly, wetness pooled down my cheeks, and the salty taste was in my mouth again.
The urge to go and comfort her crawled all over me. At the same time, I worried about her reaction. So much time had passed. Thoughts of how she would react thrilled and scared me at the same time. So I stayed fixed with my back to the tree. It was easier this way.
Except it wasn’t. It annoyed me to see her crying. I had to make her stop. I’d have to call Daria or Vitale. But that wasn’t something I could do. I couldn’t call them and speak to them. Or message them. It was too soon. The ground was slipping beneath me, and everything was moving too soon. I wasn’t ready.Was I?
I dug out my phone from my back pocket and punched out the name on my favourites list. She picked up on the first ring. I didn’t bother with a hello. There were some things I’d never change about myself. “How do I know if I’m ready?”
She wasn’t even surprised at my midnight call. “You don’t wake up one day feeling ready, Orietta.”
“Well, then how?”
“You just notice that the fear isn’t driving the decision anymore.”
But I was afraid. Afraid to face the pain I’d inflicted for all these years. Her voice on the other end droned on with a long-winded explanation, but I drowned it out to a buzz in my head.
My gaze shifted back to the window, and Mamma was still crying. Agitation coiled in my veins.
She was pissing me off. She needed to stop it. Now.
Without realising it, I was rocking my body against the trunk.
“What do you feel?”
“I feel…” What was I feeling? “Panicked. Like I can’t breathe. Suffocated. I want to comfort her.”
Where did that last part come from? No, I don’t.
“Can you walk me through what’s happening?”
I couldn’t do that. Mamma was such a private person. I wasn’t going to break that by talking about it with her. She wouldn’t want anyone to know about her private moment of helplessness.
