Maybe she’s there for work. But I keep coming back to another reason. Maybe she chose to go back there right now because she decided to choose Archer after all.
Friends becoming more is something people read about in books. It doesn’t happen in real life just because one person has pined for the other for years.
What the fuck was I thinking? Allowing myself to get to this place was pure fucking stupidity on my part.
I should’ve listened to my brain. Instead, I went with my heart, and now I’m married to someone who’s ditching me for Chicago and Vegas and thinks I don’t believe in her.
Of course I believe in her.
I go to bed alone. I wake up alone. This is just like how it used to be, except back then, I held onto this streak of hope that someday I’d admit my real feelings to her.
Well, I did. And now…it’s over. I think. Maybe. We’re paused, anyway, and I don’t like how it feels.
I realize that in many ways, I did this to myself. I should have told her when I got the offer on the mansion. I get that now. I should have given her a chance to plead her case before I accepted that offer. I guess there are a lot of things I should have done differently. Not give into temptation, for one. Not listen to my heart—for another.
It’s just a painful reminder that emotions wreck everything. Back when we were just friends, I wished we could be more. And now that I’ve had more, I wish we could get back to what we had before.
Perhaps I should have listened to my siblings, too. Liam was pretty insistent that I shouldn’t sell, but I went with my gut. My gut puts logic over emotions, and financial responsibility won over whatever ties we have to that place. Besides, would letting Tatum gut the place to turn it into her dream venue really be any better than selling it to strangers who are going to live there?
I know the answer even as the question forms in my head. No. She’d preserve it and respect it, and it’s why she wanted to work with Madden. It would stay in the family for generations to come, mirroring Winston Manor in so many ways. Just because we can’t all live there doesn’t mean we can’t all find a purpose for the place. Everleigh’s wedding. Maybe eventually Liam’s and Ivy’s, too, if that’s what they want.
Our family may be falling apart between losing our mother and our father going on trial for some pretty serious crimes, but maybe the mansion was the one thing that could’ve bonded us together.
But I sold it.
And now she’s going back to Vegas, maybe going back to Archer, going back to how life was before. She’ll get thereonly to realize she never should have left, just like she’s doneso many timesbefore, and I’ll be stuck here all alone, walking into the room that was once hers and staring at the three cups left behind on her desk with regret.
It feels like I’m well and truly alone.
I suppose I could join in on one of the invitations that I’ve gotten for workouts or to join my buddies for a night out, but in the last couple of weeks, Ihaven’taccepted any of them. All that means is that fewer of them are coming through to my inbox. And all that means is that I’m sitting by myself on a Friday night.
It’s not like I’d go pick up a regret, as Cole would put it. Hell, I barely did that in my pre-husband days, but now there’s a hell of a lot more to lose…even if I’ve already lost it.
I finally decide to text Cole anyway.
Me:When’s the next workout?
He doesn’t respond until the next morning.
Cole:Monday at eight. Kellan’s place.
Me:Count me in.
Cole:Too bad you missed out on last night. Found myself not one but *two* regrets.
Me:Living life in the fast lane.
Cole:Something like that. On my way home from their place now. At least I’m not inventing reasons to get them to leave.
I don’t really know what to say to that, but another text comes through from him before I say anything at all.
Cole:What’s up with you?
Me:What do you mean?
Cole:Where you been lately? Busy with the wife?
Me:Something like that.
