It's just that I've never had a girlfriend before. The kind you can sit beside without pretending. And Natalia's easy to like. Soft voice, quiet sadness that clings to her like perfume, and glowing skin that makes me want to hug her and interrogate her about her skincare routine in equal measure.
Today we're in the pool. Me, Natalia, and Pasha. Splashing around like we're filming a family sitcom pilot. It's awkward as hell, swimming with my husband's kid and the woman who abandoned said kid, but it is what it is.
"Pasha, see how cool Natalia looks doing that backstroke?"
"Yeah. But mine's better," he insists, giving her stroke an unimpressed look before swimming off in the opposite direction. I feel my heart crack watching her face fall.
I try to get him to warm up, but Pasha tolerates her with a cautious acceptance, like he's still figuring the whole thing out. Which, to be fair, he is.
"Kids, huh?" I try to keep it light when he pretends to become a mermaid.
"Yeah," Natalia gives me a smile. The kind that screamsI'm trying.I wish I could help more.
The water's warm, sunlight glinting off the surface. Pasha's laughter bounces around the courtyard, pure and bright. He's warming up to her, but he sticks close to me. Always within arm's reach.
If Natalia sits on one end of the pool, Pasha migrates to mine. If she tosses him a floaty, he smiles politely and hands it to me first. Guarded but kind. He has every right to be.
I float on my back, eyes squinted against the sun, watching him do underwater somersaults near the shallow end. He's showing off, but not for Natalia. For me.
"Did you see how many I did?" he calls, popping up with hair plastered to his forehead.
"Three in a row," I confirm, flipping upright. "Champion-level stuff."
Natalia smiles tentatively. "That was really good."
He glances at her. Nods once. Dives back under.
"He swims beautifully," Natalia says from her spot on the pool steps.
"He does." I adjust my sunglasses. "But he could learn a thing or two from you."
She laughs softly. "He listens to you. Children don't always listen to the adults in their lives."
"I bribe him with chocolate and promises of late-night movies. It's foolproof."
Pasha paddles by, hair slicked back, grinning. "She's lying. I just like her."
My heart does a full somersault.
Natalia smiles, something wistful in her eyes. Watching him the way you'd watch a skittish bird, hoping it'll come closer on its own.
We float like that for a while. Then Pasha declares he's hungry.
When we climb out, dripping and laughing, the housekeeper's already waiting on the patio with lunch. A pitcher of lemonade sweating in the sun and a platter of sandwiches.
Pasha spots them first. "Tuna! My favorite!"
I grin, grabbing a towel. "Of course it's tuna."
We reach the table and, oh sweet baby cheeses. The smell hits me like a slap, and something inside me curdles. I sink into my chair, trying to breathe through my mouth. It doesn't help. The tuna is everywhere, thick and pungent. My stomach rolls.
"You okay?" Natalia asks. "You went a little green."
"Fine," I manage. "Just hot."
Pasha's already seated, eating. I notice he's shifted his chair an inch or two closer to me than to Natalia.
When he lifts the sandwich for another bite, I feel like I might hurl.
