Deacon responds, but I can’t make out his words over the ringing in my ears. I don’t want to do this. I’m not ready to see her again. I need more time.
“Bro, it’s perfection. We always kick it in there. Come on, I’ll—” Their voices fade as Felix steers Deacon and Atticus down the hallway and toward the back door, granting me a temporary reprieve.
A second later, the door clicks shut, leaving me alone with Julio’s scrutinizing stare once more. He stays propped just inside my doorway, the wooden door closed at his back and his tattooed arms crossed over his chest.
The weight of his gaze bores into me as the silence stretches tight.
I grit my teeth, resentment simmering beneath my skin. It’s not that much to ask to be left alone.
“Get your shit together, man,” Julio says, tone harsh with judgment.
I bristle, hands clenched into fists at my sides. “You don’t know what I’m dealing with, J,” I fire back.
Julio has no goddamn idea what it’s like to put yourself out there. To lay your feelings bare, only to have them stomped on and dismissed without a second thought. How could he? The guy hasn’t been in a serious relationship in … well, ever. And whatever spark he did have with a certain someone—she who will not be named—he snuffed out.
It was his call. His choice.
I wasn’t afforded that luxury.
Julio steps further into the room, eyes searching mine for answers I don’t have. “Then talk to me. I’ve always had your back, but I can’t do anything if you shut me and everyone else out.”
I scrub both hands roughly down my face, throat tightening around all the things I want to say, but can’t seem to voice.
He’s not wrong. I’ve been pushing him and the others away when I know all they want is to help me. Problem is, I don’t want their help. I don’t want to deal with any of this.
“I don’t even know how to process this myself right now,” I force out hoarsely, unable to meet his gaze. “Let alone talk through it. What Cecilia said ...” I trail off, shaking my head as the echo of her words threatens to drag me back down into the abyss.
Fuck.
What is wrong with me? I don’t get like this. Not over a girl. I’m not this guy. Never have been. So why the fuck is this shit hitting me so goddamn hard?
Julio grips my shoulder, his palm rough and warm. Grounding. “Tell me what happened, man. Start there.”
Sucking in a sharp breath, I shake my head.
“Come on, man. Try.” Knowing Julio, he’s going to keep poking until I cave. May as well get it over with now and just tear off the damn band-aid.
“She ended things. Said she didn’t want this. Didn’t want me.” I repeat Cecilia’s speech aloud for the first time, and with each word I say, I watch as Julio’s expression sinks more and more into one of pity.
I don’t want his pity. Though it’s obvious I have it.
I force out the last of my words, making sure to get it all out. If pushed again, I won’t be able to rehash this shit a second time. Just voicing her rejection aloud leaves me raw. Wounded.
But there it is. All of it. I don’t leave a single detail out.
My pathetic confession hangs heavy between us. Admitting it out loud doesn’t grant the respite I think either of us hoped for. It only intensifies the crushing weight on my chest. Why do people think talking about this kind of shit will make them feel better? It doesn’t.
Fuck.
I rub a hand over my chest.
It hurts. This feeling. It fucking hurts, and I need to figure out some way to make it go away.
Julio squeezes my shoulder, tone softening. “Damn. I’m sorry, man. I know how much she meant to you.”
Does he, though? My throat tightens around the bitter lump expanding inside my throat. Cecilia isn’t some casual fling I can move on from overnight. She’s so much more than that. She’s … everything.
“I thought we had something real. Something that could go the distance.” My voice cracks on the admission. But I saw a future with this girl. “I know she has shit to deal with. Of course, I know that. But …” I hang my head. “It felt real. It felt like more than just … I don’t know.” I rub the back of my neck. “Guess it was all one-sided. Whatever it was. She made it crystal clear where she stands.”
