We stare off against one another, each of us refusing to give so much as an inch of ground. “You’d throw me away? Just like that?” I don’t miss the hurt in his voice.
“I’m not throwing you away.”
“Sure feels like it.”
I shake my head, wishing he understood, but he can’t. He doesn’t know everything. And despite my feelings for him, I don’t trust him enough to tell him.
“Austin has the power to ruin me. To ruin my family.” He’s got to understand that. They’ve been on the team together for at least a year or two. He’d know Austin has money. Know what family he comes from.
“He uses that as a threat because he knows you can just as easily ruin him.”
I want to laugh. “No. I can’t.”
“Don’t you want to at least try?”
I consider his questions before answering. But even in my wildest dreams, I’ve never let myself think of that. “No. I don’t.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“You don’t have to.” Gabriel is going to believe what he wants, but I’m not lying to him. “Julio said you guys have a friend. Allie?”
He nods.
“She went through something like this?”
Another dip of his head.
“Ask her.” This might backfire on me, but I’m praying it doesn’t. “Ask her what it’s like. How long it follows you around. Ask her how much worse it gets when your darkest secrets anddeepest fears go public. When people know what happened and either pity you, or label you a liar and a whore.”
“You’re not a?— “
I hold up a hand to stop him. “I know I’m not. What happened wasn’t my fault. I didn’t ask for it and all of the fault lies with my attackers. You and I, we know that. But none of it matters. Everyone will have their own opinions and I’ll have to face them. I lost my best friends,” I tell him. “I thought we were like you three. Ride or die. Like family. But they both turned their backs on me, and I did nothing wrong.”
He pulls me against his chest. I fight him at first, refusing to accept the comfort he offers, but after a minute or two, exhaustion settles into my limbs and I slump in his embrace. Minutes later, I wrap my arms around his waist, close my eyes, and take what feels like my first deep breath in hours.
“I’m sorry you have shit taste in friends.”
A choked laugh spills out of me.
“I can help with that. I have excellent taste in friends. And I’ll always have your back. Julio and Felix too.”
Smiling against him, I listen to the steady thrum of his heart. Gabriel means well and I don't doubt that he and the others would stand beside me, but I don’t want to be in a position where they have to. “I don’t want another fight with Austin.” I won’t survive it. I almost didn’t the first go around.
Gabriel says nothing to that. Instead, he rubs circles on my back and peppers kisses along my temple. When my eyes grow heavy, he leads me upstairs and I follow him down the hallway to his room, not once feeling even an ounce of reservation.
His room boasts a black, king-size bed. It takes up most of the room, positioned in the center as the focal point. To the left, he has a small bookcase. The shelves are double stacked with well worn paperbacks, and there are several pillows on the floor beside it. Like he curls up on the ground to read insteadof lying in bed. I can almost picture him like that—sprawled out on the floor with a paperback in his hand. I’d bet he folds his page corners instead of using a bookmark when he comes to a stopping point. The heathen.
My face softens, thinking about him in the room. It’s sparse, but there are small elements like the picture of him and the others on his nightstand, that highlight the person he is. I move closer to the image, carefully picking it up. It’s housed in a wooden frame and painted in primary colors. Macaroni noodles are glued to its sides. A gift from a child would be my guess.
There’s a threadbare blanket thrown over a chair in the corner. It’s crocheted with a mismatched assortment of yarn and has holes big enough for my hand to fit through, but still, he keeps it. It means something to him even in the condition it’s in.
“Do you want to shower? I have clothes you can?—”
Turning to face him, I cut off his words with a kiss. His body responds and he groans against my lips. The sound sends a spear of need straight to my center. Hands gliding up my body, he cradles the base of my head, but makes no move to deepen the kiss.
Tomorrow I’ll have to think about today. About Gabriel and I. About Austin and his threats. But for the rest of today, I can pretend none of it matters. I can pretend things are still better. That I’m okay.
“We can’t—“ Gabriel pulls away, but I follow him, refusing to let the events of today take this moment from me. “Cecilia,” he groans, and the fingers of one hand flex against my hip.
