“Gabriel?”
Hearing my name drags my attention from Cecilia, and when I glance up, the easy vibe of the night shatters. I recognize who he is right away. Adam. As in, my brand-new stepbrother, Adam.
“Hey man,” Kenji greets the newcomer with a smile. “What are you doing here?”
Adam hesitates, his eyes flicking back over to me. “Uhh?—”
“You two know each other?” I ask.
“Of course,” Kenji says. “Mouse is our goalie. He plays for PacNorth, too.”
“Mouse?”
Kenji’s smile widens, and Adam’s face turns beet red.
“Yeah, it’s his name on the ice. Adam here is quiet like a mouse. You never know where he’s at until he’s all but on top of you.” Kenji chuckles, clearly not sensing the new tension in the room. “How do you two know each other?”
I give Adam a pointed look, and when it’s obvious he’s not going to answer his teammate, I do it for him. “We don’t,” I tell him.
Adam shifts his weight, glancing at Cecilia before meeting my eyes again. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt your evening. We haven’t really talked since … well, the wedding.” He rubs the back of his neck. “I was sort of hoping we could clear the air.”
Right. The wedding. The shitshow where I realized my Mom found replacements for the entire lot of us.
This guy wants to clear the air? Tough. There’s nothing to say.
I feel Cecilia shift beside me, her hand tensing on my knee. She’s waiting to see how I’ll react, so for her sake, I grit my teeth and force myself to lean back in my seat. “Nothing to clear,” I tell him.
Adam’s mouth tightens, his voice a little softer now, like he’s walking on glass. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry. About all of it. I didn’t mean to cause any problems for you.”
I grind my teeth together. I can’t deal with this. He’s standing there looking like a kicked puppy, and all I can think about is how my mom’s got this shiny new family. I don’t need another brother. I had one. He’s dead. And Adam? He’s just a reminder of everything I don’t have. A reminder I definitely do not need.
“It’s fine,” I say, even though it’s not. My voice comes out colder than I mean it to, but I don’t care. “Don’t worry about it.”
Adam doesn’t move. His eyes flick to Kenji like he’s waiting for a lifeline.
Kenji notices. He leans back, tossing his arm over the back of his chair like he owns the place. “Terrific! So everyone isgood now.” He gives Adam a smile, then looks at me. “Adam and I know each other from middle school. We’ve played hockey together for what?” He pretends to count in his head. “Seven years now. The kid’s solid.” I catch what he’s not saying out loud. He and Adam are friends. Close enough that he’s got his back should I decide to start anything. Not that I planned to. But I hear his message loud and clear and dip my chin to acknowledge it.
“I’m sure he is,” I tell him. “But like I said, we don’t really know one another.” Nothing to see here. Can we please move this shit along?
Adam clears his throat again, looking back at me. “I just wanted to clear the air. I heard what you said at the wedding and … I’m not trying to replace anyone. I just … I wanted to apologize and let you know that uh, I’m here. If you ever want to hang out or … you know. Whatever. I’m around.”
And there it is. That offer. It’s almost laughable. I tighten my grip around the beer in my hand and force my features into an expressionless mask.
“My brother died,” I tell him, raising the bottle to my lips. “Unlike my mother, I’m not looking for any replacements.”
The words hang between us, cold and final. Adam’s face falls a little. He doesn’t push it, though. Doesn’t try to argue or make excuses. He just nods, taking the hit, like he was expecting this all along.
“Alright. Well, if you change your mind, I’ll be around.”
Kenji’s eyes flick between us, but he’s smart enough not to say anything. He gives Adam a quick nod. “We’ll catch up later, yeah?”
Adam manages a weak smile and walks away. I watch him go, his shoulders tight, like he’s carrying around a weight I didn’t ask him to. The bar feels ten degrees hotter now, the noise from the crowd turning into a low hum of irritation in my skull. Ican feel Cecilia watching me, but I can’t look at her right now. I can’t look at anything but the door and Adam’s back as he slowly walks away.
“You okay?” Cecilia’s hand is still on my knee, but her grip is different now—tighter, worried.
I take a long sip of my drink, letting the burn settle in my chest. “Yeah. I’m fine.”
Lie.
