“Thanks, man,” I clap him on the shoulder, grateful for his insight. “Cecilia and I, we’re good for now.”
He nods, satisfied, and we each head to our rooms.
Lying in bed, images of Cecilia consume my thoughts like a drug, her essence intertwining with every fiber of my being. It's more than just being "good for now." It's about fighting tooth and nail for her, for us, until she's mine in every way possible.
21CECILIA
Ifind Adriana on campus the next day and spill everything that happened the night before. "I don’t know what I’m doing," I confess, feeling overwhelmed.
“You’re getting laid,” she tells me with a smirk. “That’s what’s happening. Why do you sound so torn up about it?”
I groan, rubbing a hand over my face. “This is bad.” Right? Of course it’s bad. How can a friend with benefits situation-ship with Gabriel be a good thing?
Shit.
What was I thinking?
“I don’t see what you’re so upset about,” she says. “The way you described last night, it sounds like you had a good time. What’s the problem, here?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” I say, my voice dripping with sarcasm. “Maybe it’s the fact that I went on a date, had a panic attack, got in a fight with my ex, and then we screwed each other's brains out, all while agreeing to continue screwing one another’sbrains out as friends with benefits. None of those things belong together.”
“If you say so,” she says with a shrug. “But I still don’t see a problem with this. The date is whatever,” she waves a hand through the air. “You weren’t interested in him anyway, right? Like romantically.”
“Well, no.” He was nice, but I’m not looking for a relationship here. A second date would be misleading. Not that he ever got around to asking with everything that happened.
“Okay, so that settles that one. The panic attack …” Her lips purse together. “It could have been worse. You overcame one of your fears and are here talking about it today. I’d call that progress.”
Swallowing hard, I nod. Yeah, I guess you can say that. It sucked in the moment. Royally. But it is what it is. The best thing I can do now is put it behind me and pray it doesn’t happen again.
I shudder. Fuck Austin. And Fuck the Zeta Pi house. They do not get to win.
“What about the Gabe thing?” I ask, my anxiety spiking as I trail after her toward my next class. That’s what I’m most worried about here.
“What about it?” she counters.
“You don’t think it’s a massive mistake?” I ask. “The more I think about it, the more I realize that no matter how we do this, one of us is going to get hurt. I’ve already hurt him once before. I don’t want to do that again. He deserves so much better. But I also?—“
“You want him?” she asks.
“Obviously,” I mutter. "But it's more than that. Last night was ... different. It was intense, and I don't know if I can do casual with him." The way he makes me feel, I don’t know how to describe it. Last night was … it was something and everything all wrapped into one. We’ve had sex before. Sweet, romantic, cautious sex. But never anything like that. Never where Gabriel drops the reins and just fucks me like an animal.
And don’t get me wrong, I liked what we did before. And I appreciated how careful he was with me, but …
I chew on my bottom lip.
Adriana smirks knowingly. "So what I’m hearing is that Gabriel's dick is that good?"
“Shut up.” I smack her arm.
“Oh my god. It is! I can’t believe Gabriel Herrera’s dick is that revolutionary.” She chuckles. “Who would have known he had it in him?”
My face burns with embarrassment. "Yes, okay? It was amazing." I loop my arm through hers and all but drag her down the hallway. “Now stop talking about it.”
I can’t believe I just admitted that out loud, but I mean, it was really good. Like the best sex of my life good.
“No way.” Her eyes twinkle with mischief. “If the dick is that good, you need to enjoy it. Have fun and stop overthinking everything.”
"But what if it all goes wrong and blows up in my face later?" I protest.
