She nods. “True. But right now you’re lying to me. Or to yourself. Either way, it’s fine. It takes time to build trust in a relationship, but you should know that if you decide to be with Gabriel again, he won’t approve of the two of us being friends. He might make you choose between us.”
I don’t know how to respond to that other than to say, “We’re not getting back together.”
She doesn’t look convinced. “If you say so.” Adriana takes one last bite of her burger before setting her plate aside. “If you do, I want you to know in advance that it’s okay for you to choose Gabriel over me. A good friend would want you to be happy. So, you should choose him if he’s able to do that. Make you happy, I mean. Besides—” her smile is wistful, “Gabriel’s one of the good ones.”
I swallow hard and try to wrap my head around everything she’s told me. This get-together has been … enlightening to say the least. I just have one more question.
“Who was the girl?” I ask. “The one who’s boyfriend you slept with. What was her name?”
Her expression softens. “Allie.”
8CECILIA
Friday arrives faster than I expect it to. I survive the week without any further altercations and even manage to avoid seeing Austin again. A massive relief.
I still don’t know what Parker was so angry with me about, but whatever it was, it looks like he’s dropped it. No one else has stormed up to me, though I’m still worried enough not to drop my guard.
Adriana and I get together for coffee or lunch pretty much every day. And she was right about tryouts. As soon as I showed up at the pool this morning, Coach Cho kindly thanked everyone else for coming and excused them for the day before giving me Cate Carrington’s former spot.
It’s not how I wanted to get on the team, but when I tried to tell her I was happy to compete for the spot, she wouldn’t hear it.
I’m using the locker room showers to rinse the chlorine out of my hair after today’s practice when Adriana pops her head over the chest-height tile wall. “Plans this weekend?” she asks as she steps into the shower beside mine.
“Not really,” I tell her. “I’m supposed to get together with Gabriel at some point to work on a class project but?—”
“You’re avoiding him?”
“Am I that obvious?”
She nods. “Yes. But it’s okay. You’re still not sure if you want to be in a relationship with him or not.”
I flick water from the shower head at her. “I don’t want a relationship,” I remind her. “I just … I don’t know …”
“You miss him?”
I shrug. “Sometimes,” I admit. ”But that doesn’t mean I want to be in a relationship. Besides, it isn’t fair to him. He has his entire future ahead of him. Gabriel is going to wind up on some professional soccer team, and the chances of him remaining local, let alone in the United States, are slim. I just …” I huff out a sigh. Why am I even talking about this? “I don’t want to be a burden. I want to figure my shit out and stop being afraid of everything, you know? It’s like I need to relearn how to live my life.”
Adriana purses her lips and gives me a considering look before saying, “You should go on a date.”
My eyes bug out of my head. “Excuse me?” That came out of left field.
“Date.” She shrugs like it’s a perfectly reasonable suggestion. “You should go on a date.”
“Didn’t you hear me say I don’t want to be in a relationship? Why the hell would I go on a date?” I shudder just thinking about it.The meaningless small talk. The awkward hesitation at the end of the night in front of your door. No, thank you.
“I did.” She turns off her water and wraps a towel around herself. Wiping the water from my eyes, I do the same before following her toward our lockers. Since I’m on the team now, I’ve been assigned one for all of my things. “Dating doesn’t have to equal a relationship.” Adriana makes quick work of drying off before stepping into a pair of black leggings and a white crop top shirt that leaves her toned abdomen bare. “But putting yourself out there, exposing yourself to one-on-one conversations with guys you don’t already know,” she shrugs as she slips on a pair of socks and black Converse sneakers. “I think it could be good for you. It might help you to not be so afraid. You’re really shifty.”
“I’m not afraid,” I argue. “And I’m not shifty.”
She snorts. “You walk around campus like a scared bunny waiting for a fox to pounce.”
Right. Okay, so I’m a little afraid. Rolling my eyes, I grab my clothes—a pair of high-waisted, distressed jeans, and a long-sleeved band shirt—and quickly put them on. “Nobody wants to date me. I’m … damaged goods.” I cringe at my own admission.
“You’re not damaged goods,” she says before closing her locker and throwing her bag over her shoulder.
“Maybe. Maybe not. But it doesn’t change the fact that there isn’t exactly a string of guys lining up to go out with me.” And thank god for that. I’m humoring Adriana by even talking about this. I definitely have zero interest in going on a date.
“Just think about it. You weren’t sure about joining the team either, but here you are.” She shrugs. “Going on a date or twodoesn’t need to be this big thing. Besides, you might even have fun.”
