I check the screen, surprised I even have cell coverage out here, and release a growl when I spot who the message is from.
Oliver: Come on, Isa. I miss you. Stop icing me out over something stupid.
Anger bubblesup inside of me and before I can talk myself out of it, I message him back.
Me: You broke up with me the day my mom died!
Those three little dots appear,and I stare at them waiting for him to respond. But instead of another text, my phone rings, vibrating in my hand.
Oliver.
“Chingada madre!”
Do I really want to deal with him right now? As I stare at the illuminated screen trying to decide, the ringing stops, saving me from having to make a decision. But then it starts right back up again. I must be a glutton for punishment because on the fourth ring, I answer.
“What do you want, Ollie?” I walk toward the back of Zheng’s cabin and step onto the back porch. Thankfully, no one else is out here. I claim a spot on a wooden bench and lean back, waiting for Oliver to respond.
He’s quiet for a second and it’s as if I can hear the gears turning in his head. Oliver was always good at that. Finding the right words to say to calm me down. Looking back, I can think of at least half a dozen times when he manipulated me into forgiving him for one thing or another. He was never a good boyfriend. I don’t know why it took me so long to realize that.
Since Oliver still hasn’t said anything, I slip inside the cabin through the rear entrance in search of something to dull the pounding headache I know is on the horizon. My stomach growls, eager for sustenance after a shift, but I ignore it.
Maybe if I try really hard, I can manage a buzz that will see me through the conversation I’m about to have.
“Baby,” he breathes out, longing in his voice. I roll my eyes and spot a stray bottle of tequila. I swipe it and pour five shots into a red cup before adding in some Tampica as a mixer.
“Don’t ‘baby’ me,” I snap, taking a healthy swallow of my new drink. “I can’t believe what you did, Ollie. I can’t…” I choke on my words, unable to force them out as the tequila burns down my esophagus, making me cough. I probably should have taken a smaller sip. I give myself a few seconds and take another drink because, yes, I really want that buzz. Humans have it so easy. It’s unfair. They get to escape their pain with booze or pills, meanwhile I can chug an entire fifth and be stone cold sober fifteen minutes later.
“You hurt me.” I don’t know why I’m saying this. Maybe a part of me wants him to understand just what he did to me. Maybe then he’ll finally leave me the heck alone. “You hurt me when I was already hurting.”
“Fuck,” he mutters. “I know, baby. I know. I’m sorry. Okay? I fucked up. I wasn’t thinking straight.Fuck.”
I can hear the rustle of his clothes as he paces on the other end. I step back outside and reclaim my spot on the bench staring up at the starless night sky.
“What do you want me to say?”
“The truth. For once in your life, Ollie. Can you just be honest with me?” I still don’t know the full story. I know he cheated on me with Selena, but I don’t know any of the details. I don’t know why he broke things off between us the way he did. Oliver was an asshole, but until then, he’d never been cruel.
Another curse. “Baby, it’s not that simple. Selena, she came onto me and at first I thought she was you.” His words are rushed. “You’ve got to believe that. I would never—”
“You’re kidding, right?”Does he really think I’mthatstupid?I seethe. “Ollie, I’m not an idiot.”
He groans. “I know. I know. But it’s the truth. I’d just come off a patrol. I shifted too many times too close together. I wasn’t in the right headspace. Shit. I was barely fucking conscious, babe. I never would have stepped out on you like that.” He pauses as if the next words pain him to say. “And I didn’t mean to break up with you. I didn’t want that. I don’t want that.”
I snort, not buying his story for one minute. I know full well if he was here right now saying all of this to my face, he’d smell like one big fat lie. “Oh really? Then what did you mean when you texted me—the same day my mom died I might add—saying, ‘I think we should see other people.’ Huh? How is that anything other than breaking up with me?”
There’s a loud bang on the other end of the line like maybe he hit something. I hear a growl rumble deep in his chest and invisible hackles rise on my back. Ollie always did have a temper. “Look, I’m not proud of this, okay. And I didn’t know your mom had died when I sent it. Selena told me you found out about us. That you were going to break things off. I just”—he sighs—“I was stupid and I wanted to end it first before you turned around and dumped me instead.”
Wow. Just wow.
What an asshole.What did I ever see in him?
He’s quiet for a beat and I take another drink from my cup. The alcohol burns and I relish the pain. My throat tightens so I take another drink, eager to chase away the ache forming in my chest because it still hurts—and I hate that. I hate that he still has any sort of hold over me. I wasted three years on Oliver. He was my firsteverything.What he did was wrong.
“I loved you,” I tell him, my voice emotionless and flat. I’m proud of myself for that.
“Baby, I love you, too. So fucking much.”
I shake my head even though he can’t see the movement. “No, Ollie. Loved. Ilovedyou. I don’t anymore. Not after what you did.”
