I gasp, dropping his hands. I look away as emotion threatens to bubble up out of me. It’s as if he’s shoved his hand in my chest and squeezed my heart until it beats only for him. The walls I’ve built to protect myself begin to crumble.
I catch sight of Aaron. He’s retreated toward his car and is sitting on the hood, giving us some semblance of privacy. His eyes meet mine and he gives me a barely perceptible nod as if to say,yeah, that just happened.I turn back to meet Roman’s raw gaze.
“Why?” I force myself to ask. None of this makes sense. “Why are you trying so hard to fix something that never really started?”
“Because you’re worth it. You’re worth all of it. All the fighting, the pain, the feelings. You make me fuckingfeel, Allie.” He slaps a hand on his chest right over his heart. “Right here. You made my ice-cold heart beat, and it only wants to beat for one person. You. Only you. I don’t just want you. I fuckingneedyou.” He steps forward and presses his forehead against mine, cupping my face in his strong inked hands and I close my eyes, breathing him in. Fighting through the fear of being close to a boy I’m not sure I can trust. “Alejandra Ramirez, I need you in my life.”
Instinctively, I know Roman would never hurt me. Not physically. But the fear of giving this boy my heart has the air in my lungs freezing.
“Roman, I can’t lose a—”
“You won’t,” he says with conviction. “You fucking won’t. I can promise you that. I don’t know how to do this whole relationship thing. I’m learning as I go here. But I won’t ever turn my back on you like that again. Never, Allie. Just give me this chance. One more chance. I won’t mess it up.”
“I’m broken,” I tell him because it’s true. I’m broken, my pieces jagged and sharp. I don’t know if I’m even capable or even willing to be intimate with him after everything I’ve been through, and he doesn’t need that. He doesn’t need my baggage. For what, a few months of bliss? We’re graduating in a few short months. And then what?
“Let me pick up all your broken pieces and put you back together. Let me be your anchor when you’re lost and the world keeps spinning around you.”
I pull back, and my heart aches seeing the sheer vulnerability on his face. His hands fall from my cheeks to wrap around me and I’m almost surprised when I don’t stiffen. “And when we graduate?”
He presses his face into my hair. “We figure it out. I’m not letting you go, vanilla. I need you too much.”
My heart does a free-fall and I pray that this time, he doesn’t let it splatter on the ground near his feet. My trust is a bruised and battered thing. But I think I love the boy standing in front of me. And I think he loves me, too. Neither one of us knows how to say it. Words don’t feel like they’ll ever be enough.
But Roman said he needs me, so I take a leap of faith and let my truth pass over my lips, whisper soft. “Maybe we need each other.”
FORTY-TWO
Allie: Four months later
“Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to Allie. Happy birthday to you.”
My smile is beaming as I lean forward and blow out the candles on the cake Mrs. Valdez made for me. It’s my eighteenth birthday, and while I don’t feel any different than I did yesterday, I know that after today, everything is going to change.
It’s been four months since Roman and I decided to give a real relationship between us a try. We’ve had our ups and downs, and I’m still learning to cope with some of the traumas I’ve experienced, but I’ve made a lot of progress.
I don’t freak out anymore when he comes up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist like he’s doing now, leaning in to kiss my neck. “Did you make a wish?” he asks, his breath is hot against my skin, his voice pitched low and seductive.
A slow smile spreads over my face and I shake my head, turning to look at him. “Nope.”
His brows furrow in confusion, and I bite my lower lip to keep from laughing. “I already have everything I could ask for.” And it’s the truth. All my friends are here. I have the most amazing boyfriend who consistently puts me and my needs first. And I’ve gotten the help I should have when I was first assaulted. Roman’s mom—Maria—made sure of that.
I’m happy and I’m healing. I couldn’t ask for anything more.
His face cracks into a wide grin as he turns me to face him, then dips down and presses his lips against mine in a tender kiss. His kisses always start this way. Hesitant and soft. But one nip of his bottom lip has him deepening the kiss and I gasp, opening my mouth to drink him in, silently asking for more.
Voices groan behind us before wandering off.
“Get a room,” Emilio calls out and I pull away, fighting hard not to blush.
“Fuck off,” Roman says, though there’s no heat in his voice.
Emilio rolls his eyes then pries me out of Roman’s embrace. “You’ll have Allie all to yourself soon enough. Today you have to share.”
I squeal as he lifts me into the air, throwing me over his shoulder and racing into the backyard with me, Roman hot on our heels. It’s strange to think that a few short months ago I was adrift. Lost to my pain and consumed by my grief. I didn’t think I’d find happiness again. Not like this. But I’m not numb anymore. I feel my emotions like a kaleidoscope of sensation and I relish each and every day.
The entire crew moves outside. Roman’s parents—Maria and Melchor—Dominique, Aaron, Kasey. Even Julio, Gabe, and Felix made the drive up from Richland to celebrate with me.
Emilio sets me on my feet before gripping my hand and dragging me to the center of the yard. Music is playing on the outdoor speaker system and he draws me into dancing with him as Rombai’sMe Voyplays. Kasey joins us before long and the three of us sing off key. Despite most of Kasey’s words being made up and not actual lyrics, we laugh, dancing without a care in the world because that’s how I’ve chosen to move on.
