A shrug. “I don’t really know to be honest. All the Devils came over and hung out for a bit before going to pick up Luis from you.” She bites her bottom lip. “I wasn’t supposed to be eavesdropping but….“
When she pauses, my chest tightens, almost like my body is bracing itself for her next words. The urge to shake her and make her tell me everything is whirling through me like a storm, but I force myself to inhale, take a deep breath, exhale. Let it go. It doesn’t matter what was said. It doesn’t matter if he’s upset or relieved or anything. I made my decision. This is for the best.
I squeeze her arm. “It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me.” My smile is forced, but I keep the expression until we reach the door to my next class. “I gotta go, but we’ll talk later.”
“Oh.” Her nose scrunches. “Are you sure?”
“Yup. Don’t worry about it.”
I wave and go into class, counting my steps as I go.This is for the best, I remind myself for what feels like the one hundredth time. It has to be.
* * *
Lunch is weird,but what did I expect? Emilio takes Luis as soon as Dominique arrives, and I let him. It’s what we agreed to. He isn’t coming over every day anymore, so we agreed he could have Luis at lunch and during fourth. He’s also picking him up twice a week on Tuesdays and Thursdays. We haven’t worked up to overnights yet and I’m thankful for that. I don’t know when or if I’ll be ready for that step anytime soon, and like we’d agreed before everything unfolded, he’s letting me set the pace. I get to make the big decisions and he’s not pushing for more than I can give where Luis is concerned.
Dominique, Roman, and Emilio are on one side of the lunch table. Kasey and I on the other. With Aaron and Allie in the middle, acting as a divider between our two groups. The division doesn’t go by unnoticed, and already people are starting to look and whisper.
“So, this Thursday,” Kasey hedges, “You’re sure you want—“
“Yes!” I say, hoping to cut her off before the boys overhear us. I lower my voice to keep our conversation private. “I need the job and I’m really grateful you were willing to talk to your aunt for me.”
She smiles and nods her head, blond curls bouncing with the movement.
Kasey’s aunt runs the Sun Valley Station, a local diner Allie works at and that Kasey sometimes helps with. Kasey doesn’t need a job, nor does she particularly want one, so she was more than happy to put in a good word for me if it meant getting her out of picking up the vacant shifts. It’s only two days a week—Thursdays when Luis is with Emilio, and then on Sundays. Monique has offered to watch him anytime I need the help and I gratefully accepted the offer, but I know I need to give Emilio the option first. If roles were reversed, I’d want the option of more time with my son before leaving him with a sitter, even if it was a friend. Co-parenting the right way. Right?
“Okay, then I guess just show up on time and you’re all set. Allie works this week so she can show you the ropes.”
“Sounds good.”
A girl walks up to our table, a determined look on her face. She has a little extra swing in her step and her entire focus is zeroed in on Emilio. She reaches him and says something, but I can’t make out the words. She laughs. I look away, but still track their movements in my peripheral. Emilio turns his head to look at me. I can’t make out his facial expression but having Kasey close by means I don’t have to.
“I think he’s gauging your reaction,” she whispers low enough for only me to hear.
I sigh hard and shrug. “I don’t know why. He can do whatever he wants. He doesn’t have to worry about my feelings.” I force a smile and climb to my feet. “Thanks again for talking to your aunt.”
“Don’t thank me yet. I’ve helped out before and it’s no walk in the park. Half the clientele are students and they’re mostly assholes so, just try not to let anything get to you. Okay?”
Despite myself, I chance a glance back at Emilio. The girl is gone but he’s staring at a small piece of paper in his hands, his expression serious. A phone number. Figures.
“No worries. I’m becoming a master at not letting things get to me.”
SEVENTY-FOUR
Emilio
We’ve beenco-parenting,as Bibiana likes to call it, for three weeks now. Torture is a more accurate term if you ask me. Football season is officially over now that we took state, so I don’t have anything to occupy my free time with. I considered getting a job, but my brothers shut that idea down real quick. They want me focused on school and Luis. When I argued—because hell, we have bills and I’ll be damned if I don’t pay my way around here—they informed me Raul had a life insurance policy. Surprise, surprise. Guess the POS was good for something. I guess he and our mom set something up when things were still good between them, and Roberto’s made it a point to keep up on the monthly premiums. That right there was thinking ahead.
There was a decent chunk of change there that the four of us decided to split five ways. One portion went to living expenses. It paid off the house and will cover the utilities for at least the next few months. The rest we each put into individual bank accounts for later use. I have no clue what Roberto or Antonio will do with theirs. I still don’t really know what Roberto’s plans are now that he’s back stateside. But Sofia says she’s saving for college. Smart girl. And I gave most of mine to Bibiana.
She fought me at first. Didn’t want to take it. She said it was too much. But if you ask me, the ten grand I gave her wasn’t enough. I had to remind her we agreed I’d pay child support. I wasn’t there in the beginning and I didn’t have much to give when she came back. This was the least I could do to make sure she and my boy are taken care of. It took some convincing, but when I threatened to have the janitor open her locker and leave it there, she finally took it.
I don’t need the money. I have a full ride to Suncrest U. I can live here or in the dorms, it makes no difference to me, and my scholarship will cover my day-to-day expenses once school starts. I was worried about supporting Luis before, but this makes it easier, and if she needs more, I’ll give it to her. I’d give that girl anything, even if all it does is make her more comfortable. She’s still living with Jae and who the fuck knows how long that will be for, but I don’t have a say in the matter. Even if I think I should. With any luck the money will help her get her own place sooner rather than later.
She got a job too. Part time at a local diner. I thought she might quit once I gave her the money, but she didn’t, and every chance she gets to pick up a shift, she takes it, not that I can complain. It means more time with my boy, but I can see it wearing on her. She doesn’t smile as much, and there are always dark circles under her eyes.
Because of school she works the closing shift and the diner is open till midnight most nights and then classes start at seven thirty. She isn’t getting enough sleep. Isn’t taking care of herself. And it grates on me that I can’t be the one to take care of her.
I miss seeing her and Luis after school every day. And now, I have nothing but time on my hands to sit and dwell on how much I hate this arrangement.
