I tighten my jaw.It might.
I hate that I’m using the visit too. I want to see my boy. I have the right to. But I won’t lie. I’m one hundred percent leveraging that against her as a way to make her see me. The only communication I’ve had from Bibiana since last night is a text saying she’ll send me the address to Jae’s tomorrow an hour before my scheduled time to pick up Luis. That was it. This wasn’t even supposed to be our first one-on-one visit. I was going to hang out with her. With them. But I guess she’s pissed enough to rush our timeline along. I should be happy about that. I get my boy. But, fuck. I want her too.
She won’t even leave her phone on long enough for me to respond. I can’t lose her. The thought alone has me feeling paralyzed. Helpless. There’s this ache in my chest that won’t subside. I don’t want to be without her. She’s…she’s everything. I won’t lose her. Not over something like this.
* * *
My palms are sweating.I’m picking up my kid from another dude’s house. One who I’m sure is enjoying playing house with what is mine.
“Emilio, you need to calm down,” Dominique, the voice of reason, says beside me in the passenger seat. Roman and Aaron are sitting in the back, the three of them having collectively decided I couldn’t be trusted to handle this on my own. “If Bibiana sees you like this, no way in hell is she letting you leave with Luis.”
My lip curls and I scowl at him, flicking on my turn signal as I take a left at the stop sign. “He’s my kid,” I remind them.
Dom snorts. “Like that fucking matters. Bibi is going to see you and go full on momma bear. Remember what happened the night you found out Luis was yours? She didn’t cave to you then and she won’t cave to you now. Take a breath. Chill.”
I do as he instructs, but the tension riding me keeps me stiff. She’s been avoiding my calls. Avoiding me. And now, picking my kid up like this, none of it sits well with me. We pull up to the address she gave me, and I immediately spot Jae’s car. I figured he’d be here. It is the fucker’s house after all, but she could have at least—I don’t know—asked him to leave for a little bit.
I tighten my grip on the steering wheel for a second before I force myself to open the door and step outside. “Breathe,” Aaron tells me. “You’ve got this.” The walk to the front porch feels like I’m heading to a funeral, but I have a plan. I just have to keep my eye on the prize. I ramp myself up as if I’m about to step on the field. I’ve got this.
All I gotta do is explain what actually happened the other night. Make her listen. Once she knows, she’ll understand. I get why she’s hurt. Angry. Hell, if I thought she stepped out on me I’d be pissed too. But this is nothing. We can get past it. I’m sure of it. I take a deep breath. Stick to the plan.
I knock three times on the door before it swings open and it’s Jae’s face that greets me.
“Hey,” he says in way of greeting and opens the door wider, taking me by surprise. I figured he’d posture or some shit. Try and knock me down a few pegs. He picked her up from the party. He saw what a mess she was. I’m sure she’s told him what she thought happened, so I expected anger from him. Or maybe satisfaction. But I get none of that. Just mild resignation.
Despite the greeting, I shake my head. I don’t want to go inside. I don’t want to be anywhere near this fucker because I am two seconds from going off and slamming my fist into his face.Breathe,I remind myself. He can downplay whatever he’d like, but I know he wants my girl and I’m sure he’ll use this situation to his advantage. If I were in his shoes, I would.
My worry from last night has morphed into righteous anger. I need someone to take it out on and unfortunately for me, it can’t be him.
“Where’s Bibiana?”
He sighs and disappears down the hallway leaving the door open for me to follow. I don’t. But I can’t stop myself from looking around, my eyes taking in the scattered toys and Bibiana’s backpack near the door. She’s made herself right at home.
A few seconds later she appears, Luis in her arms and a diaper bag hanging over her shoulder. My chest tightens when I see her. Her hair is pulled back into a ponytail and her face is bare, showcasing the dark circles under her eyes. She’s beautiful, but those signs of exhaustion worry me.
“Can we talk?” I ask, itching to reach for her, but instead I shove my hands in my pockets and wait.
“Is it about Luis?” she asks, dodging the question with one of her own.
I shake my head. “No. It’s about us.”
“There isn’t an us anymore, Emilio. I think it would be best if we kept our communication centered around our son.” Her tone is clipped, without an ounce of emotion in it, but I don’t miss the clenching of her jaw.
I bite the inside of my cheek and glance at Jae who is hovering a few steps away. I don’t want to have this conversation with him watching, but I can’t very well tell him to leave either. And despite what she wants, we’re going to talk.
I shift my gaze back to Bibiana, careful to keep my tone calm, soothing even. I don’t want to tick her off and I don’t want to make a scene in front of Luis. I know he’s little. Doesn’t understand what we’re saying all the time. But I remember my parents fighting in front of me as a kid. That isn’t something I ever want to do in front of my son. “It isn’t what you think. I didn’t—”
“I know.” Still holding my gaze, she shakes her head. “I know what happened. I know you didn’t cheat on me.”
“You do?” Relief crashes over me and my shoulders relax. I take a step forward about to reach for her when she leans away. My arms fall back to my sides. If she knows, then why is she still being like this? My heart squeezes in my chest. What am I missing?
“I talked to Allie. And Kasey. And Aaron.” She sighs. “I didn’t have much of a choice since they just kept calling and calling, but yeah, I heard about the beer. The shirt. That you pushed Sarah away. I know all of that.”
If all that’s true then—
“But,” she takes a deep breath, “I still can’t be with you. Not like that.”
Wait. What? “Why the hell not?” I snap my teeth together to bite back the rest of my words, knowing I’ll say something I’ll regret.
