“What do you need?” Desmond again.
I shake my head.
“Isa?” Jordy’s voice is higher than usual. I look up and all three are standing maybe fifteen feet away with a mix of worried and confused expressions.
I swallow hard. “A weapon.” My voice shakes. “My stupid sword.”
Three scowls greet me but without hesitation, Desmond pulls a blade out and tosses it to the ground beside me. I clench the handle in my hands, rubbing my thumb over the grip.
“You okay?” he asks as he takes a step closer. Then another. My breathing slows and I shudder.
Desmond crouches down in front of me, hands lifted in surrender. “No one is going to hurt you.” Safe. Des is safe. Jordy steps closer, his steps hesitant.
My chest rises and falls faster and faster. I close my eyes. “I’m sorry. I—” I shake my head. Des waves him back and without me having to ask, he steps further away from me.
“What’s going on?” Desmond asks.
I shake my head. I don’t want to talk about it. I know I’m freaking out and I know they want answers, but I can’t—
“Is this because of the attacks?” His voice is gentle.
“God, this is embarrassing.”
“Baby—”
I jerk my head toward Rafael. His voice is filled with pain as his wide, haunted eyes meet mine. His hands are clenched into white-knuckled fists at his sides. He steps closer and I flinch.
Cursing, he rounds to the opposite side of the car. “Dammit.”
“You’re not helping. Get your shit together,” Desmond tells him. He turns back to me. “I just want to help. I didn’t know. Not until last night…”
Last night, after Rafael showed up with his Dad. He must have told them about what happened at the game. Shame washes over me in cascading waves that leave me drowning in self-loathing and disgust. They know. All three of them know just how weak I am. I press the heels of my palms against my eyes.
“Isa—” Des draws my attention.
“Give me a minute.” I gasp for breath and force more words past my lips. “I don’t … I don’t handle people close to me that I don’t trust. My wolf is skittish. Hell, I’m skittish.” I give him a pleading look, begging with him to understand.
Des’s eyes tighten and he runs a hand over his tightly braided hair. “Your mind gets it, but your body doesn’t.” He shakes his head. “It’s okay. I get it.”
My shoulders slump in relief. “You were there. You had my back. I—” I huff out a breath. “It’s easy for me to convince myself you’re safe when you helped save me.”
He nods. “And with Rafael and Jordy?”
I shrug. “I don’t know.”
“And the guy who’s been with you all week—?” Desmond doesn’t finish but I know what he’s asking.
“Like a brother. I’ve known him since grade school. He’s family.”
He nods again. “Okay. Okay. Let me think.” He stands and goes back toward his car. He says something to Rafael and Jordy and Rafael explodes, throwing his hands up in the air and cursing. He pulls at his hair, but when he looks at me, his anger evaporates. In its place is stark need and devastation.
My chest tightens. He’s not hiding any of his emotions from me. Not this time. He lets me see all of it. Every painful piece of what he’s feeling. And it leaves me reeling. I don’t know how to interpret his anguish. Is he upset because of what happened? Because I’m such a mess?
He doesn’t come any closer. Just stares at me with unmasked emotion, and it’s suddenly too much. Seeing him hurts too much.
I swallow hard and push back up to my feet. My eyes stray to his clenched fists and I notice that he’s still wearing my bracelet. The one I gave him before the game. I try not to read into it, but does that mean—
“Isa, baby.” His voice is raw. “I never—” His voice cracks and he looks away. “I fucked up. I thought some things and they weren’t true and I wasn’t there when you needed me.” He turns back to me and I can see the despair in his eyes. “I messed up. But I’m here now. I want to be there for you. You have to let me be there.”
