I curl my legs beneath me and sink into the sofa. “Are you calling because…” I swallow hard. “Did you need…” I don’t know how to get the words out.
“Yeah. Sorry. I wanted to ask if you were okay with Mom being cremated. It’s a lot easier to get her back if we do but if you don’t want that—”
“It’s fine,” I choke on the words.
“Are you sure?”
“MmHmm.” My heart squeezes in my chest. We weren’t very religious, but I know Mom is—was—Catholic. She’d have wanted a proper burial, but I don’t think either Zheng or I can go through with one. This, this is better. “Maybe we can sprinkle her ashes in the ocean or something. Mom might have liked that.”
“You think so?” His voice is thick.
I have to blink back my tears before I can answer. “Yeah. I think she would. Remember when we were kids and we went to Myrtle Bay? You got stung by a jellyfish and freaked out trying to pee on your own leg.”
He groans, but manages a laugh too. “You promised never to bring it up again.”
I snicker. “I know, but we should go there. We used to go every summer growing up. Mom loved that place.”
“Yeah, she did, didn’t she?”
I sit still, holding the phone tight as we both listen to the other breathe. “I miss her,” I tell him, hating how my voice quivers.
“I miss her, too.”
This is hard. My eyes fill with tears again, and no matter how hard I fight to hold them in, they still spill down my face. “Will you be home soon?” I ask, needing to say something to fill the silence.
He coughs, clears his throat. “Yeah. I’ll be back in a few days. We can figure out what to do after that. There’s no rush, okay? We can take however long we want.”
I bob my head up and down. “Okay.”
“I gotta go, but I’ll try and check in later. You’ll be okay with Desmond?”
I swallow past a lump. “Yeah. I’ll be okay.”
“I love you, sis.”
“Love you, too.” Zheng hangs up and I just sit there, unmoving. I don’t know for how long or what time it is when all of a sudden the door opens and Deacon steps in the room.
I look up at him, tears still running down my face, and he drops down in front of me. “Hey, are you okay? Are you hurt?” He checks me over as I sit there, frozen in place.
“Meiying.” He cups the sides of my face. “What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
I look down at my phone. It’s still in my hand, fingers gripping it tightly. Deacon sees it and gently pries it from my fingers, setting it beside me. “You’re kinda freaking me out here,” he says. “I saw you come in with Desmond, figured I’d check in on you. I can’t believe he left you in here like this.”
I shake my head. “He didn’t. I—”Come on Meiying, pull it together.“I’m sorry.” I blink. “I was just talking to my brother. I...”
His gold-colored eyes stare into me, seeing more than he should. I want to curl into a ball and hide. Turn off the lights and just pretend today isn’t here. “Come on.” He pulls me to my feet.
“Where are we going?”
“You need chocolate. Or cake. Or both. We’re going to get some of that.”
I side-eye him as he steers me out of the room. “Why do I need chocolate? And don’t you have practice?”
He shrugs, his hand on my lower back as he leads me outside. “I have sisters. When they cry, I give them chocolate. It’s the one thing I never get wrong and it works every time, so that's what we’re going to do. Come one, there's a vending machine just down the hallway.”
I nod but... “What about practice?”
“Desmond is running plays today, so it’s fine. No one will miss me.”
