“Meiying? Fuck. Meiying!”
A large hand forces my head between my knees. I didn’t realize I’d fallen to the ground. “Breath, kitten. In and out. That's good. Take another breath.”
I try to focus on his words, but my chest hurts. It really really hurts.
He rubs circles across my back as I fight to get my emotions under control, but as soon as I manage to suck in a full breath, the tears come pouring out. A distant part of me is screaming to get it together. To push him away and find somewhere private to cry, but I can’t move. I want to get up, but it’s like the part of my brain that controls my limbs isn’t working.
Strong arms scoop me up, and the next thing I know I’m nestled in Desmond’s arms as he walks me to his Escalade. My entire body shakes like a leaf.She’s gone. She’s really gone.The realization slams into me like a freight train and a new wave of tears falls down my cheeks.
Desmond sets me down on the passenger seat. How he opened the door while holding me, I don’t know. He reaches over me and secures my seat belt before cupping my cheeks, his thumbs wiping the tears on my face. “You’re going to get through this,” he says, his voice somehow both soft and firm.
I hear the words, but I don’t believe them. How does anyone get through something like this? How does anyone recover after losing their mom?
The rest of the night is a blur. Desmond takes me to his place, but I don’t remember the drive there or even getting out of his Escalade and walking inside.
Zheng is there. Isa too. She hugs me, I think. I’m not really sure.
And then, nothing.
97
Meiying
“Meiying?”
I blink sleep from my eyes. Sunlight filters in through the window and it takes me a minute before I’m able to turn my head and find the person who said my name, though the scent of cinnamon is heavy in the air so I know it’s him even before our eyes meet.
“Des?”
He steps further into the room and I push up on my hands. I’m in bed. But, it’s not mine. This bed is a queen, but I know mine in my room at the Kappa Eagle house is a full. “Whose bed is this?” I ask, not recognizing his or my brother's scent on the sheets. My throat is dry and my words come out raspy.
Desmond sits down beside me, placing a hand on my leg. “You’re in our guest room. You fell asleep, so I brought you here.” He shrugs. “Figured this would be more comfortable than the couch.”
That makes sense. “Thanks.”
He stares at me intently before asking, “Are you feeling okay? Did you … did you want to talk?”
I scowl. “Why would I want to—” Last night comes rushing back to me and I suck in a shuddering breath.
“Meiying?”
Oh God.
“Hey. Hey!” He cups both sides of my face and my vision swims. I’m crumbling, and he gets a front row seat to the show. “It’s okay.”
I shake my head. No. It’s not okay. My mom is dead. I’m not even a legal freaking adult and she’s fucking dead.
I pull away from his touch and turn to my side, resting my head on the pillow as silent sobs wrack my body.Don’t let him see you cry.I tell myself.You fucked that up yesterday. Don’t make it worse. Hold it together.I try to draw on my beast for strength, but she’s just as grief stricken as I am.
A rough hand rubs my back, but I pull away from the touch.
“Leave me alone,” I whisper.
“Meiying.” He sighs, and there’s pity in his voice. It makes my tears fall faster. I don’t want his pity. I just … I want my mom.
Desmond leaves and I lose track of time after that. Day turns to night only to become day. It happens again and again, day after day. But I barely move from the bed. I get up to use the bathroom. Sometimes I get up and sit by the window and look outside. The last time I did that I fell asleep, only to wake as Desmond laid me back in bed.
He brings me water. A few times he’s tried to get me to eat, but I’m never hungry. He’s being nice to me and I hate it. This isn’t how our relationship works. It’s not helping me. It just makes it all worse. I’ve tried shifting into my tiger form to avoid conversation, but whenever I do that, Des shifts into his wolf, curls up beside me, and offers comfort in a way I have no chance of refusing. He’s slept beside me most nights like that. His fur brushing against mine and his cold nose pressed into my side.
