He scowls and shakes his head. “I don’t know why I’m wasting my time.”
Cool. Leave, then. I don’t know why he’s wasting his time either. I sure as hell didn’t ask for him to come here. He looks like he’s about to do exactly that, but then he hesitates.
“You know she had a baby brother?” he asks, and while no, I didn’t, what does that have to do with anything?
“He died when he was a kid. She named César after him. His middle name.”
My brows pull together.Afonso.I just figured it was a name she liked or maybe her dad’s or something. I don’t know. I never thought to ask. But thinking about it now, why didn’t I know this?
“After her brother died, her dad left. Couldn’t handle the grief, so he bailed.”
My jaw locks. Seems we have that in common. Our parents take off when the going gets tough.
“And now, her mom has all but forgotten about her. She’s so afraid to be alone again that she’s put on rose-colored glasses and can’t even see the monster she’s throwing her daughter away for.”
I suck in a breath. “Why are you telling me all this?” I’m not complaining. I want to know these things about Joaninha’s life, but it grates on my nerves that he’s known all these things about her and I never even had a clue. I know shit is strained with her mom. It’s why she brings César to school. But I figured they’d work it out. Joaninha said they were close. Her mom has always been there for her. You’d think she’d snap out of trying to save her rapist boyfriend eventually, or at least be a fucking parent.
“So you can get it through your thick head that in her mind, you’re already fucking gone. It’s always been a forgone conclusion.” He tugs off his beanie and runs his hands through his hair, forgetting that it’s tied back in a topknot and messing up whatever style he was going for. K-pop wannabe or some shit.
“You’re not making any sense.”
“Everyone leaves,” he tells me. “Her brother died. Her dad left. Her mom has all but abandoned her. Everyone leaves that girl eventually, whether by choice or circumstance. She might not admit it, but in the back of her mind, she knew you’d bail. That’s why she jumped to the wrong conclusions. Why she pushed you away even after she knew the truth. She’s just been waiting for you to leave and right now, you’re proving her right. You’re showing her that she’s not worth fighting for.”
I bite my lower lip and suck my teeth as a lead weight settles deep in my gut. My own baggage comes back to punch me in the face, and I realize I’m doing to Joaninha what I expected her to do to me all this time—give up.
My nostrils flare. “So you think shewantsme to fight for her? Despite that being the exact opposite of what she told me she wanted.” And when she had said those words, my wolf scented no lie. I’d looked for it. Hoped for it, but it wasn’t there.
“I know she wants you to fight for her. She’s miserable. A shell of the girl she used to be.”
We’re both damaged. Broken beyond repair. Neither of us willing to trust the other enough to make this work but…I stumble back a few steps and look around, for what, I’m not sure. I just—my brain is moving a mile a minute. Think, Jordy. Think. Everyone leaves. But what if they didn’t have to? What if we could be the missing piece to fill each other’s broken spaces?
I’ve been going at this all wrong. Fuck what everyone else has been telling me. She never needed space. She needed me to push. To not stop pushing. But I did stop. I stopped for three fucking weeks and just left her alone. I did nothing to show her that I was still here, waiting. That I’d always be here.
“Where is she?” I whirl back around to face him, an idea already forming. “Where is she right now?”
Face drawn, he shakes his head. “Slow down. You need to think—”
“I’ve been thinking.” That’s all I ever do. I think about how this girl who owns my bleeding fucking heart doesn’t want it. How I’m not good enough. How I’ll never be good enough. But what if she doesn’t see me like that? What if she doesn’t think I’m worthless. Even if I am.Fuck.I scrub my hands over my face. How could I be so stupid? I’ve been angry, so goddamn angry that she could just give up on us like that. Throw me away like I meant nothing to her, but that wasn’t what she was doing. She was protecting herself.
I need to change that. Convince her I’m not going to leave her. I’m not like everyone else. I’ll stand with her if she’ll have me. But, shit. Will she have me? If I push, can I get her to change her mind? Or is it truly too late now. Three weeks might not sound like much, but it’s felt like forever. Did I wait too long?
76
Jordy
Joaninha doesn’t go to work for another few hours. She’s working the closing shift, which I only know because earlier this week she asked if I wanted César an extra day when she had to go in. I agreed right away. Obviously. But Jae said she wasn’t home, and I’m not due to pick César up until six. That’s still three hours away.
I pace my room as I wait. My wolf is anxious and the minutes tick by at a snail’s pace. Neither of us is comfortable with inaction. The distinct sounds of my brothers and sister returning reach my ears. They’re laughing about something and it’s a sound I’m not used to hearing here, in this house. At first, I tense, my body certain that the noise will draw unwanted attention, but then my mind catches up. Raul is gone. We’re safe.
I let myself enjoy my baby sister’s laughter. Listen to the ease and joy she has and take comfort in knowing she never has to worry about being hit again. Not here in her own home.
I want to hear my son’s laughter here too. To have all of the ugly memories I have in this house replaced with new ones. Better ones. To have his scent be the first one I smell when I walk inside.
The door to my bedroom opens, my oldest brother leaning in. “What are you doing?” Roberto asks, his tone gruff but not unwelcome. Having him home still feels weird. We were never very close and being away the last four years didn’t help us get any closer, but I meant what I said when I told him we were good. I can tell he’s trying. He goes out of his way to check on all three of us, and he’s been great with César when I bring him over, really taking on the role of uncle. My hard-exterior brother has a soft spot for my boy.
I look down at the sentinel gear in my hands for a second longer before throwing it in a box. I’ve been wracking my brain all afternoon on how to show Joaninha that I’m different. That I can change. And this is one of the ways I plan to show her I’m ready to put her, put our family, first. Even above my own dreams of being a Pack sentinel.
I know Jo’s insecure. Has issues with other girls flirting with me and I don’t know how to make that shit stop but—I sigh—I need to get the fuck over myself. This is the right move. She and César have to come first. Even before my Pack because well—she’s my Pack now. The both of them are.
