“I don’t want you to treat me any different. I need things to go back to how they were. The bickering. You being an insensitive jerk.”
“I’m not insensitive.”
“Yeah, you are. You kissed me when we were in high school and pretended like it never happened. You told me I was shallow. That I couldn’t keep a guy's attention. And then gave me the best orgasm of my life, and after, pretended like it never happened. You humiliated me at the Kappa Mu party, made me get out of the pool, basically said I looked like a slut and when I stripped naked in front of you, you left, and big surprise, you pretend it never happened. I’m sorry, how is none of that insensitive? Did you actually consider my feelings even once before doing any of those things?”
He’s quiet.
“No. You didn’t. And it’s fine.”
He bangs his head back on the headrest. “It’s not fine.”
“Yes, it is. It’s fine because it’s you. It’s what I expect. You’re a jerk to me. I’m a bitch to you. But this, whatever this version of you is that's nice to me, I can’t deal with it right now. I need you to be the same guy you were a week ago. Don’t coddle me. I’m not a piece of glass. I won’t break.”
We pull into his driveway and he turns off the car, neither of us getting out. “You want me to be a jerk.”
“Yes.”
“Fine. Your mom died almost a week ago, and you’re being a baby. You’ve been hiding in your room for too fucking long and you’re wasting away. You’ve lost weight. You look like shit. And your brother has enough on his plate that he has to deal with, but instead of handling what he needs to, he’s calling me five times a day to check on you when he shouldn’t have to. Pull yourself together, figure out what you need to do to grieve, and get on with it.”
I suck in a shuddering breath and squeeze my hands into fists on my lap.
“Shit. I went too far.”
I press my lips together, blinking back the tears and shaking my head. “I’m fine.” I tell him, but it’s a lie. There’s this hole inside of me and his words, hearing about Aaron, it punches the hole wide open. I’m so fucking selfish. My brother shouldn’t have to check in on me.
I fight to keep it together. I told Dom to be mean. He did what I asked, so why does it hurt?
He opens his door and the next thing I know he’s right beside me, reaching over my lap to unbuckle me. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean any of it. I thought … I thought this is what you wanted. I thought it would help.”
Like a dam breaking, my tears fall down my cheeks.
“Fuck.”
I was falling apart. Again. I had an hour where I kept it together and now I was crumbling.
Dom slides his arms beneath me and carries me out of the car. Cradled in his arms, he manages to get us inside and into the living room. My arms are wrapped around his neck, as though holding onto him will somehow hold me together.
He sits on the sofa, still cradling me in his arms. It’s intimate and comforting and even knowing I’ll hate myself for it tomorrow, I cling to him and cry into his chest.
I feel like pieces of me are breaking one by one, the pain growing more and more with each breath until it’s too much. I want to scream, but nothing can get out past the tears. My shoulders shake and I wheeze, unable to catch my breath. Why does it hurt so fucking much.
“Kasey, please.” He presses his lips to my temple. “You’re killing me here, baby girl. What can I do?”
Chapter Twenty
20: Kasey
“What can I do?” He asks again, and there is something close to panic in his voice. Emotion clogs my throat, threatening to suffocate me, and no matter how hard I try, I can’t swallow it down.
I try to speak. To tell him it hurts too much. I don’t want to live like this. But I choke on my words, unable to get them out. I scream, choking on my tears as Dominique holds me in place, a wild look in his eyes. One hand grips the back of my neck, the other clutches my hip. “Kasey, I don’t know how to fix this. How to fix you. What can I do?” He is almost begging and Dominique never begs but …
Nothing. There isn’t anything he can give me that will make this go away. Nothing that will bring my mom back.
“I don’t want to … feel like… this. It hurts… too much,” I finally manage to tell him.
He curses and a nerve jumps in his neck. “One night. I’ll go to the store, get a fifth and you can drink yourself into oblivion if you need to, but only for one night. You got me? You get one pass. Will that help?” I nod. Yes. A night of oblivion. A chance to forget.
“Okay, we can do that but, for that to happen, I need to run to the store and I’m not leaving you here, alone like this. You have to come with me. You can wait in the car and I’ll be quick, but I’m not leaving you here alone. Will that help? Do you want to forget for one night?”
