Her mouth tightens. “I’m supposed to be getting ready for work.”
“I can hold him while you do that.Please.I don’t want to fight or anything. Just give me five minutes.”
She bites her bottom lip but nods, opening the door wider and allowing me to step inside.
I catch sight of Jae in the living room and when he spots me his eyes widen, but he tilts his head in approval, stands up, and heads toward us. “I’m going to grab a coffee,” he tells Bibiana. “Want anything?”
“Anything caffeinated,” she says, and I know it’s meant to be a joke, but hearing her request only confirms she’s not getting enough rest. Between school, work, and Luis, she’s running herself ragged.
“You’ve got it.” He slips outside, leaving us alone in his house as Bibiana leads me down a hallway that I’m assuming goes to her room. Once inside she hands Luis to me, careful not to wake him before retrieving a makeup bag from her dresser and signaling me to follow her to another room. We make our way to the hallway bathroom where she drops her makeup on the counter and starts pulling out a series of products. I lean against the wall, content to hold Luis and watch as she gets ready. This feels oddly domestic. I like it. The ease and simplicity of it all.
“What did you want to talk about?” The words are casual, but I can see the stiff set of her shoulders like she’s bracing herself against a coming storm and I don’t want to be that. Something she has to weather.
I meet her bright blue gaze in the mirror and force myself to relax. To set my anger and my feelings aside and say these next words. Take this first step toward the future I want for the three of us.
“I wanted to apologize.”
Her brows furrow, a leery expression on her face. “Okay.” She doesn’t sound convinced.
“I let chicks flirt with me, knowing it would upset you. I contributed to your insecurities and that shit isn’t okay.”
Her mouth makes a small “o” before she recovers and clears her throat. “Where is this coming from?”
I take a deep breath. “I was also hoping you’d consider something for me. For Luis.” I hastily add on, because if there is anything I know about Bibiana, it is that she will always put our son first even before her own wants and needs.
She looks at me, her penetrating stare telling me to go on.
“I have an extra room at my place. I…I was hoping you’d move in. With me. Us. I mean. I live with my brothers—Roberto and Antonio. And my little sister Sofia. You’d like them.”
She opens her mouth, but I rush on before she says no without hearing me out completely. I need her to see all the positives before focusing on the negatives.
“You don’t want to give a relationship with me another shot. I understand why and I accept it. That isn’t why I’m asking you to move in.” Lie. It’s a part of it, but not the main reason. Not all of it. Baby steps, I remind myself. “I’m not trying to trick you or any bullshit like that. I just…” I stare down at the top of Luis’s head. If I look at her face, I’ll lose my nerve because the thought of her saying no is soul-crushing. “I want to see my son every day. I want him to have a chance to get to know his uncles and his aunt. I want him surrounded by family where he’ll be loved and cherished to the point he’ll probably hate it as he gets older because we’re going to smother him with so much damn love.”
I pause to take a breath. “I know shit with your mom is strained. You have the world on your shoulders. You have school and Luis and now a job. I don’t know how you’re doing it. But I want to help carry the load. I want to do my part. Watch Luis while you do homework or go out with your friends and help in the mornings when you need to get ready for school because you deserve to graduate. I don’t want you giving up on your dreams when you don’t have to. My brothers and sister want to help too. If you’ll let them. They want to be your family too. Not just Luis’s.”
The silence stretches between us and I’m almost afraid to look up.
“I don’t have any dreams,” she whispers.
I raise my eyes to hers, letting her see the sincerity in my own. “Then I want to stand beside you as you make some.”
“You want me to move in with you?”
I nod. “No strings. We don’t have to be together. You and Luis will have your own space. I just… I want to take care of you. Support you and Luis the way I should have been doing this whole time. That is, if you’ll let me.” Her lower lip trembles. “Shit.I didn’t mean to upset you.”Fuck.Is the thought of seeing me every daythatawful?
“You didn’t upset me. You…” She sniffs and wipes her tears with the backs of her hands. “That all sounds really great.”
“It does.” That’s hard to believe because instead of looking happy, she looks like an absolute wreck. A beautiful disaster. God, I’m falling hard for this girl. She’s strong and smart. Resilient. And braver then anyone I know. No wonder I don’t fucking deserve her. But I will spend every fucking day of my life trying to. I won’t let this girl down again. And if a relationship isn’t in the cards for us, I guess I’ll have to accept that. Maybe. Okay, no the fuck I won’t, but I don’t need to say that out loud.
Bibi’s head bobs up and down. “Yeah. Okay. All I ever wanted for Luis was for him to have a family. To be loved, you know? To have people, more than just me or you, that he could rely on to have his back.”
“He does. He has Roman and Allie, Dominique, Aaron, Kasey, my brothers and Sofia. We all want to help take care of him. Hell, Roman’s mom has even been bugging me to bring him by, so he’s got a grandma and grandpa too that are going to love the shit out of him.”
Knowing I shouldn’t, I reach out and cup her face, stroking my thumb along her cheek. “I will always do right by him. I will always put him first and I will always be there for you. No matter where we stand, no matter what you need, I will show up and I will be there. I promise you I will not abandon either of you, and I think moving in with me is the right move. For all of us.”
“Okay.” She smiles through her tears and I stomp down the impulse the kiss her. To seal the agreement with our mouths and show her just how great the two of us can be together if only we try. But we’re not there yet.
“Yeah?”
