She hadn’t understood then the extent of what she’d asked him to do. Not until she’d witnessed it from his point of view. He’d had to kill his best friend. He’d lost years of his life from the cost of blood magic. It didn’t matter if Cade had already been dying or they were going to come back. She’d forced him to do the unthinkable.
Eyes still a bit glassy, like he couldn’t stop replaying what he’d seen, Stellan said, “It’s what had to be done.”
“It didn’t have to happen,” Bridget said, shaking her head. She needed him to understand. “Everything Vega did was because I chose Cade over her.”
She’d spent hours analyzing every detail of her past. And all her ruminating had led her to the inevitable conclusion: it was her fault. She had been the only person in the world with the ability to stop the war and she’d made all the wrong choices.
Stellan opened his mouth, clearly about to argue, but Bridget cut him off.
“Don’t try to correct me. It’s what everything boils down to…” Bridget said. “I chose him over my sister. I could’ve tried harder. I could’ve stayed with her when she asked me to… Maybe if I had, I could’ve stopped her.”
She bit the inside of her cheek before she did something ridiculous like let the moisture stinging her eyelids fall to her cheeks.
“Vega made her own choices long before she found out about you and Cade.”
“Maybe.” Yes, Vega had already formed the Sanguis before that whole debacle played out, but she could’ve stopped her from doing any more damage. Rolling her neck, Bridget tried to compose her face into a neutral expression. “But that’s not why I asked you to come down here. After I got my memories back, I could tell there was something you didn’t want me to remember.”
She paused, giving him a chance to deny it, but he remained silent. “It’s that Cade tied his life to mine, isn’t it?”
Stellan’s throat bobbed his bright blue eyes radiating sadness. “I still remembered that because I knew long before those final days. I figured it out the first day you arrived in Cavamyne. It was obvious. To any Tuathan, at least. However, that’s where certain events started getting hazy.”
“Because Vega was there too.” Bridget realized now almost every memory he had of her was probably muffled if Vega was involved. Her stomach twisted. It was hard to believe there was a time when she and Vega entered Cavamyne together assisters. Bridget could still remember every detail, including Cade’s expression as she stepped out of the carriage behind Vega. While that had been his first time meeting therealher, he and Stellan had known her long before that.
“I don’t blame you for trying to run away from all this,” Bridget said, referring to their conversation outside the cabin in Connecticut. “I know you wanted to stop interfering… but I understand now why you couldn’t stay away. If you hadn’t been there that day in the woods after Quinn shot me, Cade would’ve died.”
Despite Archer’s efforts, Stellan was another reason why she’d made it out alive. He’d been the one with the phone. The whole reason she’d been brought back with the curse was because of her connection with Cade.The thought of him dying because of her, even if she hadn’t known, made her nauseous. Knowing they were connected that very second made her want to go hide in a padded room.
Stellan’s expression suddenly shifted. “I showed up that day to save you.”
And then Bridget saw it. The thing she hadn’t allowed herself to see… orcouldn’tsee when Cade’s presence attracted the attention of every single atom in her body. The disguised longing. After all, camouflage had always been his specialty. Another inevitable conclusion barreled through her. The why behind the curse taking his memories surrounding those final events. Above all, he’d wanted to keep his promise… to her.
“I’m sorry.”
The words clawed their way out of Bridget’s throat, low and broken. The three syllables didn’t feel like enough for what he’d been through. She’d never wanted to hurt him. He’d been a constant friend and companion to her, even before she’d permanently become part of his life. But she could never give him what he wanted.
Stellan’s expression shuttered close. Within seconds, he’d transformed back into the well-mannered, closed book he always presented himself as. Bridget wondered if she’d ever catch a glimpse of what was truly inside ever again.
Clearing his throat, Stellan asked, “Are you going to tell him? If he knew…”
It took Bridget a moment to realize he was referring to the bond. “If Cade knew, he wouldn’t want to break it.” She read the trepidation and anxiety in his eyes. “But I agree with you. Weshould.”
“Bridget…”
“Because of a vision, Deckard has always believed that I’ll kill him. Marin said that I wouldn’t, but what if it’s metaphorical?” Bridget whispered. “What if he dies because of the bond?”
Stellan’s silence told her he’d already suspected that possibility.
“You already tried to break it, didn’t you?” Bridget held up the pale ends of her hair. “The old me was a lot more versed in magic. I know the signs. And I know you probably thought the excess power soaking the air from the curse being broken was a good starting point.”
A fact she knew from Vega. It was why she would go back to the same place, over and over again, to recharge her abilities.
“After they revived you, I thought it would be weak enough that I could snap it,” Stellan admitted. “Then I realized the bond was probably the only thing that kept you alive long enough for the paramedics to arrive. All I did was almost kill you again.”
“Why didn’t it work?”
“I don’t think it’s possible from your end. You’re not the one who created the bond. Cade did. It’s why Tuathans are the only ones affected by it… why they’re the ones who have to pay the price for it or die with the other person.”
Bridget grimaced. Acid filled her mouth. She understood thewhybehind the bond. If you want to spend your life with someone, you do what it takes. It worked… in a perfect world. If they weren’tthem, the bond would be the most precious thing to her. But they didn’t live in a perfect world. Cadeneededwhat he’d given up for her. “If we’re going to have a shot against these Wraiths or whatever else Vega sends our way, he needs to have all his abilities back. He’ll get them back if it breaks, right?”
