“You know it’s more than that,” he argues. “If you’re not ready to talk about that night, I won’t push you. But you’re going to have to talk to someone about it eventually. All I’m saying is, I’ll be here for you when you do. And so will David. He wanted to be here, but I guess it’s Fall Field Day next week and he has unhinged relay races to plan or whatever.”
“He really did find his calling huh?” I chuckle, shaking my head. Nothing in this world has ever made more sense than David Romero being a P.E. teacher.
“Thank you,” I add. “For giving me space. For checking in. Even if it pisses me off.”
He laughs loudly, reaching across to clap me on the shoulder.
“Okay, I’m going to ask you another question,” he says in a warning tone. “But don’t get pissed okay?”
“Geez, haven’t you asked enough?” I say, rolling my eyes.
“Do you have feelings for Abby?”
I choke on my beer, sputtering and gasping as it drips off my chin and onto my shirt.
“Are you fucking crazy?” I ask. “It’s Abby. She’s my friend, always has been. She’s also basically been with Aaron since before she knew how to read.”
“That didn’t answer my question though,” he counters, tipping his bottle toward me accusingly. “Those sound like reasons you would tell yourself as to why youshouldn’thave feelings for her.”
“I’m protective of her, I think that’s normal. I feel at ease when I’m around her. I love her, of course,” I rattle off. Griffin opens his mouth, but I don’t let him interrupt. “As afriend, Griffin. As family. She’s a new widow, a soon-to-be mom, and she’s myfriend.Nothing more. Don’t be stupid.”
“I don’t think it’s that stupid,” he argues. “You’ve never seriously dated anyone, Jack. I can’t remember the last time you even talked about a girl.”
“Because I’ve never met one important enough to talk about.”
“Have you even tried?”
I think about that for a second. Have I? I don’t think I’ve made a conscious effortnotto try, but I can’t say I’ve made any effort either.
“Between training, and now being deputy chief, I wouldn’t say I’ve had much time,” I say evasively. “Plus I spend all of my time with Granny and you bozos. And now all this shit with Aaron has changed everything. I guess I’ve just never felt like I needed anything else in my life.”
“You’ve always been like this, man,” he says. “You’ve always been more focused on making sure everyone else is taken care of than taking care of yourself. Even your job is focused on making sure other people are okay. Who makes sureyou’reokay?”
“You guys do,” I say stubbornly. “You act like I’m this impenetrable fortress of solitude, but I let you guys in. I don’t know why you’re acting like I don’t.”
“You let Abby in more than anyone else,” he says cautiously. “And I can’t help but wonder why that is. Having feelings for her wouldn’t be a crime, you know.”
“She’s my best friend,” I repeat. “And my other best friend’s wife. Having feelings for her would be a disaster. But I don’t, so everything is fine. You’re reading into things that aren’t there.”
He hums, clearly unconvinced by my declaration. To be fair, I don’t know if I’m convinced myself. If you asked me what I want in a partner, I think I would describe Abby to a T, even without naming her.
But that doesn’t mean I wanther. Just someone like her. Someone who feels like a best friend, someone who draws me out of myself, someone I feel completely comfortable around.
Maybe in another lifetime it would have been her. Maybe if she’d been single when we met, things would be different. But this isn’t another lifetime, and she’s been with Aaron since I met her, and I’ve genuinely never thought about it. I know that seemsimpossible, I know that people argue that men and women can’t be ‘just friends.’ I happen to disagree.
But now that it’s been brought up, now that Griffin has put the thought in my head–isthere a reason I’ve never had a serious relationship? And is that reason a fiery, intelligent, witty, absolutely fucking stunning redhead, who I’ve never consciously dwelled on but has without a doubt taken up immeasurable space in my heart?
I don’t know if I want to know the answer to that question.
"Listen, if you're not ready to have this conversation, I won't push it," he says, interrupting the runaway train now flying through my mind. "But we're not done talking about this. You can't avoid it forever, Jack."
"I'm not avoiding anything, Griffin," I say stubbornly. "There's no conversation to be had, so nothing to avoid."
To my immense relief, the waitress appears at our table, and I ask for the check quickly before Griffin can stop me.
"Oh wait," I call, catching her before she walks away. "Can I put in a to-go order of fries please?"
"Sure thing," she says with a smile, walking away to run our cards and put the order in. When I turn back to face Griffin, his arms are folded over his chest, with a mixture of smugness and exasperation on his face.
