“C’mon,” Jack says with a groan, heaving David up by the back of his shirt collar and depositing him unceremoniously onto the couch, where he immediately falls back asleep. “There you go.”
I press my lips together, stifling my giggles as Jack throws a blanket over him and turns out the lamps.
“Maybe you should be in charge of the baby,” I whisper. “You seem to have a maternal instinct.”
“Shut up,” he huffs. “There’s nothing natural about David, this is just from years and years of experience of making sure he doesn’t destroy everything in his general vicinity.”
“Aw, look at him, Jack Robbit,” I coo, peeking back into the living room. “He’s a perfect angel.”
“He’s a sleeping dragon,” he argues. “One wrong move and it’s all going up in flames. And don’t call me that.”
“Shh,” I say, patting him on the shoulder. “Don’t fight it. You lost this battle fifteen years ago.”
He shakes his head, and I lean into his side, wrapping my arms around his waist. “Thank you for coming over tonight,” I murmur. “It was fun having you here with us.”
“Do you want me to stay?” he asks, looking down at me as he drapes an arm across my shoulder. “I can sleep on the floor, make sure he doesn’t break anything in the middle of the night.”
“You don’t have to,” I say with a shrug. “It’s not your night.”
“Every night is my night, Abs,” he says quietly. “I’m never not thinking about you, even when I’m not here. I’d be here every night if you asked me to.”
I mutter something noncommittal in response, the earnest kindness in his voice rendering me temporarily speechless. I know how unbelievably lucky I am to have friends who care for me so deeply–but sometimes Jack says things like that so quickly, without an ounce of doubt, that I wonder what I’ve done to deserve him.
“You really mean that, don’t you?” I ask softly.
“Of course I do,” he says simply.
“I want you to stay,” I say. “But you can sleep in the guest room, you don’t need to sleep on the floor.”
“Are you sure?” he asks, voice laced with mild concern. “What about you?”
“I’ve been sleeping in my own bed lately,” I admit. “Now that I feel less alone, it’s not such a daunting thing. And I missed my mattress.”
It’s not just ‘not-daunting’–it’s nice, actually. I know it might be gross, but I haven’t been able to bring myself to wash the sheets yet, to wash away the last traces of Aaron. At first, his lingering scent on the pillow was a soul-crushing reminder of the empty space he left. But now that some of the weight has lifted, and the fog of grief isn’t quite so dense, it’s a comfort more than a constant re-opening wound–a trace of I’m grateful to have, rather than be angry that I don’t have more.
“Okay,” Jack says, kissing the top of my head. “Goodnight, Abby. Come get me if you need anything.”
“I know where to find you,” I say, squeezing him one more time before retiring to my bedroom down the hall.
Laying in bed, I think more about his offer from earlier. As much fun as Abby Duty has been, it can be a little chaotic, and my friends would never say it, but I know it can be an inconvenience sometimes. Would it be easier to just have one person here all the time, and call in reinforcements when needed? Would he really stay if I asked him to?
Do I want to ask him to?
I close my eyes, hugging Aaron’s pillow to my chest and inhaling deeply. Am I a bad wife–do you stop being a wife when you become a widow?–for finding comfort in having another man in the house I shared with my husband?
Don’t be silly, Abigail. It’s not ‘another man.’ It’s Jack. He’s practically family.
I try to empty my mind, but as I fall into a fitful sleep, I still can’t shake the feeling that I’m doing something wrong.
Chapter 12
Jack
Fourteen Weeks
Ever since the sleepover with David last week, I’ve only left Abby’s house for work and to pick up new clothes from my apartment every few days. She never explicitly asked me to stay, but she didn’t ask me to leave either. And I sure as hell wasn’t going to be the one to suggest it.
So when a delivery truck with a new pull-out sectional showed up yesterday when Abby was out with Ellie, I didn’t ask questions–I just helped move the green chesterfield sofa into the future nursery and let the guys from the furniture store set the new one up in the living room. After they left, I went straight to my place and packed for the long haul.
