“Go back to sleep, pretty girl,” he chuckles. “I’ll see you tomorrow night. I’m on a double shift, so I’ll be at the station tonight.”
I nod, squeezing his hand as he stands to leave. The moment he’s out the door, the overwhelming realization that I already miss him knocks the wind out of me.
I miss him and I am so unbelievably in love with him. And I think I'm ready to talk about it.
Memories of the past year and a half play like a highlight reel in my head, my smile growing wider with each passing one.
A miracle casserole when I couldn’t keep anything down because of the morning sickness. My first ultrasound. The first time he slept on the couch. Finding out that Little One was a baby girl. Minions costumes. Building the crib.
My complete meltdown. Kicking him out. Laboring in the hospital. The way he came back without a second thought the moment I said I needed him. Appointments, sleepless nights,so many diapers.
So much leading up to the birth was colored with grief and sadness. But so much since then has been full of life and joy. And the brightest of all the moments have been the ones he's there for.
Jack Robb has been here for all of it–my very best and very worst. In my grief, in my fear, in my exhaustion, he has been steadfast and loyal and kind. He has loved me so deeply, so fiercely, without ever asking for any love in return.
He might not have asked for it, but he has it. I didn't know it was possible, to have this much love in your heart. I felt like my whole heart was taken up by Aaron. But there was room there for Erin. My heart has made more room than ever before, and I want to keep him right there with them.
Suddenly not caring that it’s nearly four in the morning, I quietly sneak out of the nursery without waking Erin and hurry to my room, reaching for the journal tucked in my bedside table.
I write for what feels like hours, scribbling every detail of every moment I can remember, trying to pinpoint the exact one when I fell in love with my best friend. But I don’t think there is one.
It bloomed slowly and quietly, rooting itself in my heart before I even knew it was happening. It didn’t come out of nowhere, it wasn’t a new love. The love just…changed. Seamlessly. Effortlessly. Like an inevitability.
And here I am, staring at the timeline tangibly inked on the pages in front of me, tears beginning to stain the page. A love story I didn’t see until Isaw it.
I see it now.
***
“Hello, my sweet ginger angel,” Ellie rattles when she answers the phone. “How are you? How’s the tiny ginger angel?”
“She’s good,” I chuckle. “We really need to narrow in on a nickname for her before she gets older– little-one-tiny-ginger-angel-sweet-baby- pretty-girl doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue.”
“Well I’m certainly not changing mine, so everyone else needs to get on board real quick. Anyway, what’s up?”
“I was wondering if you could come over,” I say, chewing on my thumb nail. “And then maybe watch Erin for an hour or so while I go do something.”
“Already out the door and crossing the street, is the front door unlocked?”
Before I can even answer yes, she’s kicking off her shoes in my hallway and traipsing into the living room, gracefully plopping down on the couch and folding her legs underneath her.
“How are my two favorite girls?” she coos, leaning close to where Erin sits in her jumper, smiling up at her Auntie Ellie. “Don’t answer that, I already know you’re perfect, aren’t you?”
Erin giggles, kicking her legs enthusiastically and spinning the toy attached to the jumper.
Leaning back up, she turns her attention to me, and her face shifts in the blink of an eye.
“What is it?”
“What do you mean?” I ask, bewildered.
“Whatever bombshell you’re about to drop on me. Don’t drag it out, please.”
“Okay, well,” I say slowly, the corners of my mouth twitching upwards when she rolls her eyes. “Something happened this morning, and it just…it changed everything. And nothing. More like it had already happened and it finally clicked in my brain.”
“Use more words, please,” she huffs impatiently.
I tell her about waking up to find Jack saying goodbye to Erin, about my epiphany, about the manifesto-esque timeline I painstakingly wrote down. With every phrase, her smile widens more and more, her blue eyes glistening with emotion.
