“It’s okay, no big deal,” I lie.
“You can leave if you want,” she says, her eyes full of questioning. “She sleeps through the night now anyway, I don’t need backup duty. I get it if it's weird now.”
“If you want me to leave, I will,” I say, every word costing me a piece of my heart.
“I don’t,” she whispers. “I like having someone here. I like havingyouhere.”
You and me both, pretty girl. You and me both.
“Then I’ll stay,” I say simply. “For as long as you want.”
With a nod, she disappears into the bedroom. I sit in the rocking chair next to the crib, watching Erin as she sleeps peacefully, not a care in the world. A half hour passes before I decide to take myself to bed. Before I do, I peek carefully into Abby's room, checking to see if she's asleep.
"Jack?" she murmurs drowsily. "Is that you?"
"Sorry," I whisper. "I didn't mean to wake you."
"Didn't wake me," she mumbles. "Wasn't asleep yet."
She wordlessly pats the spot next to her on the bed, a silent invitation to crawl up next to her.
I really shouldn't. Not after tonight. I know that gate isn't really open, but now that it feels like it for me, it's agony to be this close to her and not be able to touch her the way I want to.
"I can't believe I kissed you," she says, half asleep. "That's not how I wanted that to go."
"Don't worry," I say, only because I don't think she'll remember this conversation in the morning. "When I'm the one kissing you, it'll be on purpose. You'll know that I mean it."
"Good," she sighs. "I hope I didn't ruin things."
"You couldn't ruin things with me if you tried," I say, reaching up to stroke her hair.
She thinks there's something to ruin.
She finally gives in to sleep, her breathing evening, the concerned lines on her face smoothing out. I lay for awhile, watching her the way I watched Erin. When I'm sure I won't wake her, I slip out of bed and the room, wishing I could hold herall night, but knowing she might not remember she invited me in.
Whether it's tomorrow or a year from now, I meant every word I said—when I finally kiss her like I want to, she's going to know I mean it.
Chapter 45
Abby
Eight Months
"Didanyoneget gifts for anyone else? Or did we all just get gifts for the baby?"
"The baby," everyone says in unison, which said baby finds absolutely hilarious, belly-laughing as she waves handfuls of ripped wrapping paper in the air.
Our little home has never been fuller—Ellie and Griffin, Dad and Nathan, the Thompsons, me, Jack, and Little One are all crammed into the living room, sitting in a circle on the floor with Erin in the center.
I was nervous about having Christmas here at first. Aaron was always the host extraordinaire, and I can barely reheat pre-made appetizers in the microwave, let alone prepare a meal. Thank goodness for Andrea, who offered to cook Christmas dinner before I even had a chance to panic about it.
It's been nothing short of picturesque, something straight out of a damn Hallmark movie. The only thing missing is Aaron, and even that twinge of sadness can't compete with whatever magic is in the air tonight.
Maybe Christmas is just more fun with babies.
Once every gift box has been spectacularly ripped to smithereens, Erin switches off like a light, wide awake and giggling one moment, fast asleep the next. She barely stirs as I swap out her black and red plaid Christmas dress for candy cane striped pajamas. "Merry Christmas, Little One," I whisper, kissing her forehead before laying her gently in her crib.
"I'm kind of sad our other child isn't here," Ellie sighs.
