He was pale. Too pale. Still trying to smile at me anyway. Still trying to make it easier for me, not himself. Still apologizing for scaring me while they rolled him away for surgery.
I don’t even realize I’m crying again until I hear footsteps behind me.
“Lisa?” Zane’s voice reaches me before I turn around.“Is everything ok?”
The question alone is enough to break whatever fragile control I had left.
Almost instantly, my hands fly to my face as the sob escapes, unable to stop it. My shoulders are shaking while I try and fail to breathe normally again.
Zane closes the distance between us immediately and pulls me into his arms without hesitation. He’s holding me the same way he used to when we were kids, and I fell on the ice too hard and couldn’t stand up right away.
“What’s going on?” he asks quietly, looking over my shoulder toward Gwen with confusion written all over his face.
“Nothing,” I say automatically, even though the word feels ridiculous the second it leaves my mouth.“I just feel bad for him.”
It isn’t a lie. It isn’t the whole truth either.
“Did you hear anything?” Zane asks, looking around the hallway as if a doctor might appear just because he wants one to.
“The doctor came earlier,” I explain slowly, forcing myself to speak clearly even though my throat still feels tight.“His shoulder is in a pretty rough state. They’re operating now, but she said there’s a chance he might not be able to play anymore.”
The silence that follows feels heavy enough to sit down inside my chest.
“What?” Zane says, finally, running both hands through his hair before dropping into one of the plastic chairs, like the floor shifted under him. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him look that stunned.
“Here,” Gwen says softly, handing me a tissue from her purse.
I take it automatically and then pull her into a hug before I even think about it. I suddenly need something solid to hold on to while everything else feels uncertain.
“He’ll be ok,” she whispers gently.
I nod even though I don’t know if I believe that yet.
“I’m going to see if I can find a doctor,” Zane says abruptly, pushing himself back to his feet like sitting still is making things worse instead of better.“Anyone who can give us an update.”
He disappears down the hallway before I can answer.
“Are you ok?” Gwen asks once we’re alone.
I nod automatically. Then another tear slips down my cheek anyway.
“I don’t know why I can’t stop crying,” I say, laughing weakly through it.
“Because you care about him,” she answers softly, “that’s normal.”
“I’m worried,” I admit as I sink onto the plastic bench beside her, suddenly exhausted in a way that has nothing to do with sleep.“I only saw him for a second before they took him in, and he was in so much pain.”
Gwen’s hand settles gently over my knee.
“Poor guy,” she murmurs.“What exactly did the doctor tell you?”
“She said the images looked really bad,” I whisper.“Part of the bone shattered, and there’s muscle damage too. She wasn’t sure he’ll get full strength back.”
The words feel heavier every time I repeat them.
“Let’s wait and see how it goes,” Gwen says carefully.“Shoulder injuries look terrifying at first. It doesn’t mean it’s permanent.”
I nod, but the fear doesn’t leave. Because what if it is permanent? What if the last time he stepped onto the ice was tonight? And what if that happened because of James?
