My finger has hovered over my brother’s name four times before I actually find the courage to press it. I take a deep breath and let my head fall back onto the couch. I stare at the ceiling while I wait for Zane to pick up.
“Hey sis,” I hear Zane say, and immediately I have to swallow away the emotions that are building in my throat. It’s like a lump that won’t move. I can’t show him how I’m feeling. Not now. It will make him worry, and I can’t distract him.
“How is my favorite brother doing?” I ask, trying to sound positive and cheery.
“I am youronlybrother,” Zane sarcastically responds, and I laugh.
“So? I still like you,” I counter in an attempt to warm him up.
“I’m good, how are you? How are things in the West?” Zane’s question pushes the emotions back up, and I mute the phone for a second. I take a deep breath, but it’s shaky.
“It’s not what I expected,” I admit honestly as I unmute the phone again.
“Are you ok?” Zane asks, concerned. I wish I could tell him I’m not, but I can’t ruin his life. Not like this.
“I’m alright,” I say while wearing a fake smile in the hope that it sounds more positive. “I don’t think things are working out here. I miss you, I miss my old job, and I even miss freaking Chicago. Can you believe that?”
“Well then, why don’t you move back?” Zane suggests like it’s the right thing to do. Like it’s the thing that makes the most sense. In a way, Anna is a lot like him. Maybe that’s why we got along so well.
“So that’s why I am calling you, my favorite brother,” I say while I try to still sound positive. My voice fails me, and it cracks a bit.
“What do you need?” Zane asks in his polite tone. It’s the tone he uses for restaurant staff and fans asking if he can sign a shirt. Something in me tells me he is already onto me.
“I need a place to stay, only for a little bit. I have my flight booked, but I don’t want to stay in a hotel. I don’t have a big budget at the moment,” I confess.
“Sothisis why I am your favorite brother?” Zane laughs.
“Among other things,” I tell him sassily.
“Let me know when you arrive. I’ll make sure your room is cleaned out,” Zane tells me, and it feels like a weight has lifted off my shoulders.
“Thanks, Zane,” I say with a shaky voice. My eyes are tearing up, and I know I need to hang up soon or I’ll break.
“You sure you’re ok?” Zane asks like he can read my mind.
“I will be,” I say, and I don’t know if I’m telling him or myself.
“Just text me when you arrive at the airport. If I can’t get you myself, I’ll have someone come get you,” he explains, and I nod.
“I will. I’ll be there on Friday, but I’ll send you the details later. Bye, Zane.”
“Bye, sis.”
As soon as we hang up, I drop my phone onto the couch and run my fingers through my hair. It’s really happening. I’m leaving. I’m getting out of this, I think to myself, and a smile forms on my face.
I walk through the apartment one last time to make sure I haven’t missed anything. I haven’t touched any of James’ things, though I doubt it matters. He’ll say I have anyway.
When I’m done with my round, I carry the last suitcase to the car. It has all my shoes and weighs way too much. A person shouldn’t own this many shoes.
I am almost out of breath by the time I am back at the apartment when I hear footsteps in the hallway.
James is only supposed to be back in an hour. I wonder if it’s Anna. I open the door to greet her, and when I do, I’m met with James.
“Hey,” he says with a look on his face I recognize all too well. “I need you so bad, babe,” James says as he drops his luggage in the hallway and puts his arms around my waist. I try to pull away, but his grip is tight, and James doesn’t even notice it.
“We need to talk,” I say softly, and James rolls his eyes. According to him, I am alwaysdramatic. I wonder if that’s what he’s thinking right now.
“Let’s talk after,” James says as he tries to guide me toward the bedroom, but I don’t move. He tries again, and when I still don’t move, I finally have his attention. “What now?” he asks, annoyed, and I close my eyes.
