“What they need. What they want. What they have going on. What they like. What they hate. What makes them explode. What calms them down. I just– I don’t think I’m ready for that. And, I don’t know if I will be any time soon. I like my life. I like being able to get up when I’m ready, move as I’m pleased, eat where I want, dance for hours on end, and travel frequently with Saint for his career.
“I’m not toting around a car seat or stroller or baby carrier strapped to my body. I’m free. You know. And, something tells me it was meant to be this way. For a long time, at least. That’s why I didn’t carry my child to term. I wasn’t ready. My body wasn’t ready. My heart wasn’t ready. My world wasn’t ready.
“I have yet to meet a well-rested mother and that says a lot about motherhood. They’re all tired. You can see it on their pretty faces. Yes, it’s beautiful, but it is life-altering. Not always in a good way. There are far more cons to raising a child than there are pros. Once those are weighed, you wonder if it’s truly worth it, ya know? Women literally die giving birth.
“And, the ones who don’t almost die at birth, nearly die a hundred times before they actually take their final breath. Exhaustion and stress becomes the normal then. I never wantthat to be my norm. And, God forbid your child grows up to either resent you for the life you gave them or take it for granted.
“I can’t stomach that. Not right now. I’m still an adult teenager right now,” she sniggered. “My womanhood doesn’t feel quite real yet.”
“All very valid points,” Yara agreed.
“Awwwwww. My baby is growing up,” Rather groaned.
“You know– if it happens, it happens. But, I’ll never try for it. Quite frankly, I’ll try to avoid it.”
“Understood, girl. They stretch your pussy out and shit, anyway. Can’t fuck for weeks. Leaky titties. Bloody pussy. Ugh. A damn menace from the moment they come into the world. See, I’d have to drop them off somewhere and come get them when they’re about twelve. Around that age, I can rock with them then. That youthful stage is for someone other than me. I can’t fit a carseat in the coupe, you know?”
“Roulette, we were never worried about you having children.”
“You weren’t worried about Rugger either, but look at her now. Swollen belly, swollen feet. Just looking a mess.”
“She doesn’t,” I defended.
“Close enough.”
“The way this man has your lips touching your ears, I assume we should worry about you!”
I shook my head.
“He’s in prison,” I reminded Roulette.
“So,” Rather chimed in.
“We all know his current situation doesn’t define him or whatever it is he’s seeking for you two,” Roaman added.
I inhaled with a shake of my head.
“I’m not ducking any smoke.”
Laughter erupted.
“I’ve lived a very full life. I’ll be happy if I die as a childless woman. I’ll be happy if I die with a daughter. I’ll be happy if I die with a bunny who I show lots of love and attention whenever I’m home long enough to do so. To live is my only requirement. And, to live happily.”
“Alright now, Mya Ange–”
“Roulette–” Royce interrupted.
“I’m saying,” Rou yawned, “She’s getting poetic and shit.”
“On that note, I’m going to bed, ladies,” I announced.
“So am I.”
“Me, too.”
One after the other, we all stood on our feet and gathered our bearings. I was the first out of the common quarters and headed into the master suite. There were five additional bedrooms, all fit for the women occupying them.
I pushed the door of the suite open, revealing the dimly lit room. It was spacious. It was inviting. It reminded me of him.
