“I’ve missed you, too, Sunshine.”
“Yeah?” She whispered.
“Yeah.”
“It’s been the longest few days of my life.”
“I know that wasn’t the best outcome, but it wasn’t the worst. Patience. That’s all we need. This’ll all be over soon.”
“Yeah. And, that’s what I keep telling myself. It would be different if this was any other case of mine. I find it hard to be at peace with this one.”
“Understandable. But, know that I’m coming home. Our home.”
I didn’t have to see her pretty face to know there was a smile on it.
Silence.
I lowered my head onto the pillow behind me.
“Say something,” she urged.
I could sit in silence for the rest of the night and be okay. Range couldn’t.
“How are you feeling?” I wondered aloud.
“Lonely,” she sighed. “Feels like I’m falling and falling and falling for a man whose future is on the line. I keep asking myself if I’m being foolish or if I’m risking everything for the greatest reward of my life. Logic doesn’t exist in this new realm. And, that terrifies me. Feelings. They’re leading me. Keeping me. Comforting me. To be quite honest, it feels good to toss all caution to the wind for once. Simultaneously, it feels reckless.”
Her words cut like knives, but I understood her. I didn’t have a response. I didn’t have words to pacify her. Our circumstances would make any sensible person question themselves.
“Say something.”
I inhaled, rubbing a hand across my head.
“Whether it’s today or two years from now, Sunshine, our story will begin. I’m not a selfish enough man to ask you to wait until that day comes. I know where my love will end and who will receive it. All of it. No matter the calendar date. I’m patient. If you need time, take it. But, regardless of when, I’m coming to get you. I always will.
“No matter how far away or how much time has passed. I’m okay knowing that’ll always be the verdict. For me. No pressure, Range. Never any pressure. Listen to your head, baby. Listen to your heart, baby. And, do what’s best for them. I’ll adjust. It’s your world. I’ll remind you every chance I get.”
“Siah–”
“Yes, love?”
“My heart is right here. On this line. There’s nowhere I’d rather be. Nowhere else I want to be. I’m not having second thoughts. I’m not succumbing to my fears. I’m acknowledging them. Acknowledging everything. The good. The bad. The baffling. It’s just th–”
She paused and released a shaky breath.
“It’s just that, what, Sunshine? I’m listening.”
“Sometimes being my safe space looks like this. It sounds contradictory. It sounds confusing. It sounds irrational. Emotional. All the things. Sometimes nothing.”
A chuckle left her lips, easing the tension in my chest.
“If I didn’t want to be here, Josiah, I wouldn’t be. I leave. I leave people, situations, and things that no longer serve me. Attachment is not a weakness of mine. I just get in my head. You know. So let me. Because, underneath it all, there’s the undeniable desire to be in your arms.
“Not next year or the next year. Right now. And, that’s what’s fueling my madness. Maybe your selflessness will rub off on me someday. But, today, selfishly, I want you here with me. Under the covers. In this lovely, very lonely home. Three months feel like a lifetime. Ninety days feel like a century.”
“Essentially, you’re ready to stress a nigga out for nothing?”
Sniggering, she exhaled. “I thought that was the point of having a man. To stress him out so that he stretches you out and reassures you that you’re okay.”
