I nearly groan as I see it, my muscles aching to sink into a hot bath.
“I’ll be right outside, so don’t get any ideas,” he warns, but there’s no real edge to it.
I know Diego wouldn’t let me escape, but he wouldn’t be emotional about it. He’d just throw me right back in that little room. The idea makes me shiver, and I wiggle out of the dress, letting it pool on the floor. If I never see that little gold number again, it’ll be too soon.
Naked and standing in front of the mirror, I touch the fingerprint bruises that Luca left on my hip bones. He’s also left a hickey on my neck, one so obvious I can’t believe Diego didn’t point it out. Maybe he’s just too polite.
I can’t believe Luca fucked me rough and dirty and just left without another word. I can’t exactly be offended. After all, I am lying to him. I think of Rosa and my chest aches. I hope she’s okay. I know Agnes will play with her, distract her from wondering where I am.
God, I hope I can get back to her. Someday.
But that won’t be today. Today I just have to take what little pleasures I can get—good food, a hot bath.
I run the water as hot as I can stand it, and when the tub is full I lower myself down into it with a low hiss. I can’t help but moan softly as the hot water envelops my sore muscles. My thighs are sore from trying to run and probably from the sex, too, and my shoulders feel tight.
I start to relax in the hot water, though, letting my mind wander. I think of Rosa first, her bright green eyes looking up at me. I can’t stop feeling guilty for how frustrated I was with her the last time we spent time together. Why did I care about the stupid shoes? I should have hugged her tighter, told her I loved her again.
I think of Scott, who is probably losing his mind looking for me. By now, he’s probably had to tell the force andeveryoneis likely on alert. I don’t know how Luca thinks he’s going to get away with this. I have to make him believe I’m not a cop and I have to make sure I keep Rosa a secret.
I can’t trust him with that information. He’ll never be any kind of father to her. I don’t regret not telling Luca when I got pregnant, not after what I know now. He’s a thug. A criminal.
And also my daughter’s father. But he’ll never know that.
I slide down further in the water, loving the heat of it. Getting clean is definitely making me feel more like a person. Being in that dirty club dress for two days was gross.
My thoughts wander to Luca before I can stop myself. The way he’d touched me, been so rough with me only to eat me out after like I’m something precious.
How am I supposed to feel? I should be embarrassed, letting him touch me after he kidnapped me, but all I’ve wanted for years is his touch.
It’s just hard to explain that, even to myself. That I want him even though I shouldn’t, even though he’s dangerous, even though we’re on opposite sides of the law.
The law.
Do I even care about it the way I used to? I think of my father, of his wide, proud smile when I’d graduated the academy. I squeeze my eyes shut against sudden tears. He’d been so proud. What would he think if he knew about this?
I take in a shaking breath. He’d hate it. Hate me. Or worse, be disappointed in me. I wish I could talk to him. But he wants me to right all the wrongs in the flawed police system. He’s just so convinced that I can make change from within.
I thought I’d be done seeking his approval once I made detective, but it just seems like his expectations have grown even further. I don’t just have to be a cop—I have to be aperfectcop, and no one can live up to those standards. Not forever, at least.
But maybe I can break this case wide open. Maybe I’ll get some information to put Luca away, not just for a few nights, but for years. If I just had a location of one of their shipments, something that could tie him to them…
I need to focus. I need Luca to stay away from me so that Icanfocus. Because as long as he’s in my sight, I can’t seem to think about anything but his hands all over me.
It would have helped if the sex this time was bad, or at least not as earth-shattering as the first night. But of course, it had been amazing. Life-changing. The whole reason I haven’t been with anyone since him is because I was worried about it being this good.
It’s hard to get over sex that good, even if it came from a criminal. My enemy.
I groan softly and slide my hands under the water, rubbing across my thighs. Heat flashes through me as I take a cloth andrub myself down, over my breasts, skidding across a peaked nipple. Why am I still so worked up? It’s only been two days.
It feels like a lifetime. I remember his hands on me, how roughly he’d spread my thighs before diving in to eat me out. His tongue, how he moaned when I ground my hips against his face.
Men before him have eaten me out, sure. But they always acted like it was a chore, some obstacle to get through before they could get inside of me. Luca had pleasured meafterhe got off, making sure that I was putty in his hands before he just…
Left.
And why am I so upset that he left? What did I expect? For him to fall in love with me or something? After one night and a whole bunch of lies?
He’s right. Iamlying to him. About being a cop. About so many things.
