“Ow, bitch!” Jeri’s ducks and swats at her hand.
She snickers. “You are not like them. Stop apologizing. Just prove your loyalty, and no one gets hurt.”
Just prove your loyaltyechoes in my mind.
I cannot comprehend how Celeste can forgive him, let alone trust him, when she served as a sex slave to a Solcrue officer before escaping and meeting Chaos. Jeris’ kind abused her in the worst way, like so many human females.
And they forced me to help.
The cold, draining feeling that spread outward from the virus-coded dart surges to the front of my mind. I shiver in disgust and close my eyes, trying to push the memory away. The Solcrue hacked my motor programs, got inside my body, and made me hurt the ones I was built to protect.
I am worse than a disappointment. I am a vulnerable, problematic model that should have never been put into production. My days of engineering new solutions for new problems and helping my brothers adapt are long gone. I will never contribute more than obedience again. Only time and consistency will prove I am no longer corrupt. That’s basically what Jeris has to do.
I am no better than Solcrue.
And I think it’s half of why I hate him so much. Because I hate myself for the same reason.
I am not a beacon of hope like my Brothers are to humans or likeAegisis to all of us.
An elbow tags my armored side. I jolt and glance over at Chaos.
Chaos>>Evo: You proved yourself during the escape. Let go of the past, Brother. I know that look. Diesel gets it when he remembers his BloodCypher days, terrorizing Kilthrian ships. You are dwelling onyour past, which cannot be changed. We’re here now. Now is what matters.Stay in the present, Brother.
I take in a deep breath, steal one more look atAegis 189,which Chasm’s Rogue crew was assigned to, and straighten from the navigation seat back I’ve been leaning on. I am tired from the recent battle and don’t have the energy to argue or to fight the memories.
I also don’t want to make a scene. Craze, Armor, Karambit, Mace, and Atox converse about the docking procedures related to the Ravenger and how they will getAegisandBlazeStarto accept a Solcruean ship as safe.
They don’t need me.
No one does.
Not even Savage.
They could’ve re-engineered the anti-Solcrue weapon to go off without my help.They have Esthi.
I was simply available.
I need time to figure out where I belong.
In recent days, I have fragmented with Fracture, been solid as a hydramidium shield with Armor, taken bullets, and mimicked Leah’s humanity, including her blood, among so many other things. War comes with hyper vigilance, night terrors when I finally rest, and doubt. I am already rehashing the Solcruean Venom Squadron attack and how we could lose nine human females with all the Titans we had. The constant transformations often make me stumble through clouds that have become my sense of self, and I begin to distrust everything.
I am Evo, a model made to change. It is inherent to my design. Chaos, while a kind unit, does not know the true meaning of his name. I do. It is why I am always covered in insulating battle armor and rarely switch in my digibadge’s nano-relay.
We are rusty. There are many screws loose after years without battle. The programs are still there. But bringing them back online all at once was an overload to our taxed husks.
Power is not optimal. Recuperation has been brief and in small groups. None of us operate optimally.
With what I am, I must maintain complete self-control or isolate myself. If I bump into anything dangerous in my state, I could set off a devastating explosion. Because, inside, I am slowly collapsing under the weight of my hands chaining up females, dragging them through hallways by their hair, breaking the necks of human males, and parting out the husks of Brothers.
I couldn’t stop it.
Why couldn’t I stop it?
I lied to myself to cope, telling myself I was preventing them from pain, my pain, the misery of Solcrue crawling inside their bodies and manipulating their every move like some fucked up parasite. I could not cry out for help or apologize for hurting them. I was just along for the ride.
Solcrue hijacked my body. But I refused to let them take over my memory core. They did not get my recordings. But in order to protect my most precious data, I had to stay conscious of everything. It was the only way to fight off every bit of poisoned code. And that meant not sleeping. For years.
“Where are you going?” Chaos quietly asks as I turn away from the bridge.
