I had feared that renewed interest in my family’s history might touch her, but fear is not the same as proof. Today, I had proof. She was mortified, and for one dreadful moment believed Captain Harrow must despise her also. I do not think I shall soon forget her face when she said it.
Captain Harrow behaved with great honor and greater kindness. When he learned what had happened, he led her at once back to the dancers and stood up with her himself, though they had already danced earlier in the afternoon.
It comforted Clara. I believe it meant more to her than anything I could have said. But I cannot pretend it wentunnoticed. The whole lawn seemed to look on, and even as I admired him for his goodness, I feared the gossip had merely changed shape and found new people to wound.
Aurelia’s hand faltered. Then she wrote the sentence she had been avoiding since they left Lady Ashcombe’s garden.
I begin to wonder whether we have been selfish.
The words looked severe upon the page. She nearly crossed them out. She did not.
You and I may be prepared to risk our own reputations in pursuit of truth. My mother’s life has already been altered by falsehood, and yours, I think, by war and by the burden of knowing too much too late. But Clara did not choose this inquiry. Captain Harrow did not begin his affection for her as part of any scheme. If our search brings injury to them, what right have I to call it justice?
I do not know what I ask of you. Perhaps only that you understand why my courage falters tonight. I have told myself that I would never abandon the truth for the sake of comfort. But what if the comfort is not mine? What if silence would spare those I love?
She paused for a long while over the final lines.
If you think it wisest, perhaps we ought to consider whether to continue at all. It is no longer only our own peace we are endangering.
Yours sincerely,
Aurelia Finch
When she had sealed it, Aurelia rested her fingertips upon the cooling wax. The letter felt heavier than paper ought to feel. She sent it before she could lose her nerve. She did not expect an answer before morning. Indeed, she had already changed for bed, though she had not undressed her mind of its anxieties, when a soft knock came at her chamber door.
A maid entered with a note upon a small tray.
“For you, miss. The messenger said there was no need for a reply tonight.”
Aurelia took it at once. Her name was written in Owen’s hand. She broke the seal with fingers that were not quite steady.
Miss Finch,
I have received your letter and cannot allow you to pass the night believing that you must decide such a matter alone.
I am deeply sorry for what Miss Blackmore suffered today. No young woman should be made answerable for cruelty done without her involvement, and I honor Captain Harrow more than I can say for the manner in which he answered it. You must not think his regard so fragile that gossip can unmake it.
As for the rest, I beg you not to determine anything tonight, while distress is fresh and fear has the advantage. The question is too serious for ink alone, and I would rather speak with you than leave you to torment yourself with possibilities.
I will call tomorrow morning. If you are willing, we might walk and discuss what is best to be done. You need not write back at this hour. I shall come in the hope that you will see me.
Until then, believe me,
Yours faithfully,
Owen
Aurelia read the note twice.
It did not solve anything. It did not protect Clara, silence Charlotte, or undo the ugly pause that had followed Mr. Johnson’s refusal. Yet something in her eased all the same. She folded the note carefully and held it against her heart, just for a moment.
In the morning, then. In the morning she would have to decide whether truth was worth the harm it might bring, but for tonight, at least, Owen had not allowed fear to be the last voice she heard.
Chapter 26
Owen called upon Miss Finch the following morning with the unpleasant conviction that he was about to be dismissed from the strange, fragile arrangement that had placed them together in parks, galleries, ballrooms, and letters. Their courtship had begun as a shield, and now the shield was cutting those standing nearest to it.
He had read her letter too many times.
