When Rose had first reached out to her sister, long before she was Poison, her sole focus had not been to reconcile. The idea of a long-term partnership had been the furthest from Rose’s mind. All she’d wanted was revenge, and she knew she could harness her sister’s grief over having just lost their parents and then her baby sister into a weapon that would tear apart the people who’d stabbed Rose in the back.
Selfish, heartless…but it had led to something that Rose could have never imagined! Actually learning about her sister, becomingfriendswith her sister, loving her sister. It wasn’t a perfect relationship. They didn’t braid each other’s hair or anything, but it was the closest they’d ever been to beingsisters.
Was this how comic book heroes felt before they removed their masks to the person they loved or a family member? Rose was no hero, but she could admit that, perhaps, she’d let the MV persona go on too long. But she’d been terrified! Finally havingPoison, her big sister, in her life had been an unexpected revelation. She didn’t want to ruin that. She didn’t want to go back to who they’d been: strangers who shared blood.
It took several long seconds of feeling Poison’s tight grip before Rose shook in her big sister’s arms, and buried her face into Poison’s shoulder. She breathed her in, the scents of road dust and leather, and felt the wall she’d long ago erected around her heart start to crack.
Neither of them spoke, neither of them moved.
The clubhouse went very quiet around them. Rose had no idea what had happened to her audience, if they’d cleared out or were watching from afar. She didn’t know if Poison had come alone or if the whole of theNon Craswas now bearing witness to the Benson Sister Reunion. She was pissed asfuckat Poison for having struck Keys, and yet it would have taken an apocalypse to have torn her from her sister’s arms in that moment.
Rose had thought the shaking was her. Buried in Poison’s shoulder, she knew she had tears and that her own shoulders were quaking, but what she hadn’t realized was that Poison was shaking, too.
That knowledge fractured that wall around Rose’s heart exponentially.
Because Poison didn’t shake. Poison had faced down drug dealers, serial killers, mafia dons, drunk cowboys, and so much more that would have broken most people without flinching. In fact, even bloody, she generally faced such danger smiling. Poison was a rock, stubborn to a fault, and unflinching.
And now, she was shaking.
Rose held on tighter.
Eventually, Rose wasn’t sure how long, Poison pulled back. Not all the way. Just enough to look down at her. Blue eyes, so much like Rose’s own, were red-rimmed and wet, and her chin pulled tight like she was trying to keep at least one part of her body steady.
Poison lifted a hand, and in a very un-Poison-like gesture, she tucked a lock of Rose’s blonde hair behind her ear. “You look so much like Mom.” Her voice was as rough as sandpaper.
Rose blinked. Of all the things she’d imagined Poison saying in this moment that certainly hadn’t been one of them. “I do?”
Poison nodded, sniffling slightly.
The crack in Rose’s chest widened, but with something sour and gritty. Poison had gotten to know their mom as an adult. She’d learned who their mom was outside of the matriarch who cared so much about appearances, God, and perfection. Rose wasn’t even sure she could remember what their mom looked like. What were the chances she’d been looking at a reflection of her every time Rose looked in a mirror?
Poison’s expression suddenly shifted, the grief moving aside just enough to let something darker in. Her voice dropped, devastatingly low, as thehurtof what Rose had done revealed itself. It was like a slap across the face—in fact, Rose was pretty sure she would have preferred anactualslap filled with the same anger she’d displayed to Keys than this.
“Why didn’t you tell me? All these years, you’ve been alive and you just…” Poison shook her head. “How could you let me think you were dead? We’d just lost ourparents, Rose, and then I had to bury you, too? Do you have any idea what that did to me? How broken I felt, how much of a failure I thought I was?”
Rose knew these questions were coming, and yet she wished she had a better explanation than the truth.
“Because you finally felt like my sister.” Rose held Poison’s gaze, not looking away from the hurt in it. “You felt like someone who cared whether I lived or died, and I didn’t want to ruin that by making you remember who I actually was. The reckless, stupid kid you were embarrassed by. The one you told Mom to send awaybecauseI was ‘better off’.” Rose released an unsteady breath. “I got to start over with you as MV. You didn’t know mybaggage, didn’t have to feel responsible for me. You got to know the person Iam, not the sister I was.”
Poison stared at her for a long moment. Then said dryly, “Wow, that’s the biggest pile of horseshit I’ve heard in a long time.”
Rose blinked, taken aback. “Excuse me?”
Poison did not back down, didn’t even wipe her face clean. She stood right in front of Rose, crossed her arms over her chest, and stared down at her with an expression Rose knew all too well. Like she thought Rose was an idiot. “I wasn’t embarrassed by you. I wasterrifiedfor you.” Rose cocked her head, not understanding. Poison let out a groan of frustration. “You were the smartest person I’d ever met, Rose, and you were throwing your life away! The partying, the drugs, smoking… I didn’t know how to stop you! Mom and Dad were scared shitless every time you left the house, fearing today was the day that they were going to get a call that said you were either dead or had taken over your high school in a rebellious coup against the anarchical institution that was lower education. And I was just as helpless! Every time I tried to help you, you pushed me further and further away. Sure, maybe I should have tried being your sister more and less like a second mom, but you were my baby sister and I couldn’t stand watching you throw your life away! What was I supposed to do? And then you just…” Her voice trailed off, and Poison closed her eyes for a moment as she took a shaky breath. “And then you were gone. I had to bury you next to Mom and Dad. I was twenty-eight, divorced, suspended from a job I loved, and I hadnothingleft.”
Rose didn’t know if she wanted to cry or throw up. “Poison, I?—”
“I’m not finished.” Poison’s voice was steady, anger seeping in to mix with the hurt. “You had ason, Rose. You had a son and you chose to raise him alone. You chosenot to trust mewith your son’slife, with hisexistence.Does he even know his grandparents’ names or his aunt’s? Maybe now that you have whatever it is that you have with Keys, he knows what family looks like. But from my understanding, you’ve kept him isolated with you for four years. I get that he’s your son, that you have the right to choose how he is raised and no one else. But did you think that when you kept me away from him, you were also keepinghimaway fromme, the only other family besides you that he has? You took that from him, Rose.” Poison tapped her chest, “You took that from me.” Her voice fractured slightly on the last word. “And I understand why. I do. I can see it when I look at you, how scared you were. You must have felt so alone. I don’t know all you’ve been through, but I can guess some of it. And I am so fucking sorry. Not just for what you suffered through but that I—” Poison’s voice cracked and she fought to blink away tears. “But thatIhad become someone you thought you couldn’t trust and rely on, that you thought I hated you or resented you or was grateful that you were gone to the point where you thought I wouldn’t have moved heaven and earth just to have you back forone more day?” She stopped again, a tear escaping down her cheek.
Rose struggled to breathe. There were no words to describe the devastation on Poison’s face. Like she was broken and missing pieces of herself.
“That’s on me, Rose,” Poison finally continued. “That’s on me, because I was such a shit sister that you would rather be a strange voice on the phone, watching me through surveillance videos, than at my side, letting me help you heal and protect your son.”
“Please, don’t,” Rose begged.
Poison’s swallowed hard. “Don’t what?”
“Don’t lay the blame on you. All of this was my doing. I was a stupid kid who didn’t know what the fuck I was doing, and I always felt like I was better off alone. Even surrounded by friends, I never felt like I was there because they wanted me to be. I was a means to an end. I was there because of what I couldoffer them, not because ofme. And maybe it was cowardly, but I didn’t want to be an obligation to you. Oscar was my responsibility, and for the first time, I was going to take that responsibility. It wasn’t about cutting you out! It was about knowing that I was able to stand on my own two feet. That I could be a mom he would beproudof.”
