“D would never forgive me if he knew I let you drive this thing sounding like that. Come on, hand it over,” he says playfully, but there’s a certain gleam in in his eyes that tells me he knows exactly what I’m feeling. I swallow harshly and reluctantly hand him the fob before getting out of the Equinox. Daisy climbs right out as well, not allowing a sliver of space to separate us.
I’ve never driven the Charger. It’s Damien’s. I’m always his ‘passenger princess’ or whatever Ser calls it. Hell, we’ve had sex in this car. A few times, actually, and that makes driving it even more intimate. As I walk up to the driver’s side door, I’m hesitant to touch the handle. He always opened my doors for me, and I love how he buckled my seatbelt. It sounds so childish, butit was like hehadto know that I was safe—even when I was right beside him and he was in control.
I flinch just a little when the door opens, and Ezra holds his hand out to help me in. Daisy climbs right in the back seat with no hesitation, like she was always meant to do it. I smile softly at him and take his hand, but only because the car sits lower than my Equinox, and I have to actually lower myself into it. My balance isn’t exactly what it was before my belly started growing. The last thing I need is to dive face-first into the concrete floor.
He shuts the door gently before walking back over to my car, and I turn the Charger over. It roars to life, just like it always has, and it’s both a soothing and gloomy feeling. The rumbles snake their way up my legs, and it brings back so many memories. I find myself really sinking into the seat as I soak it all in. It smells like him in here. It’s stronger than what I’ve smelled in the past week or so, and at first, it’s overwhelming. I tear up and adjust the seat, hating how I have to change anything at all. The smell envelops me, though, and the leather is warm. It’s bigger than my seat’s, and it lightly hugs me from behind. It feels like Damien.
I need to spend more time in the Charger.
We pull out of the garage, and I follow Ezra to Grease’s shop. Zeke and Alex’s locations both show they’re almost there already. So, I try to enjoy the ride. The growl from the engine makes my entire body tingle, just like before, and more kicks and flips tumble about in my belly. I laugh to myself and rub my belly with my non-dominant hand, thinking that they like the feeling.
“Yeah, baby. We’re in Daddy’s car. I’m sure he’ll take you on all the rides you want when he gets home. When you’re old enough, he’ll take you on the bike, and…” I stop myself then, and the gloom is back in an instant. I shouldn’t promise things I don’t know are going to happen. We still haven’t found his bike. I’m sure we can get him a new one when he gets home, but… what ifhe doesn’t want a new one? He loved that bike, and put a lot into it…
That’s just something else I’ve been missing. He always looks so strong when he rides. Not that he doesn’t any other time, but something about seeing him drive something so chaotic was always one of the most enticing sights. It would always smell different, too. The garage would have this coal-like smell. The motorcycle’s fumes had this extra hardy punch to it, and I’m dying to smell it again. I read that I could crave smells, but I never imagined I would crave the scent of gasoline. Now I feel this impulse to ask Grease to start up his bike, just so I can catch a whiff, but I know that’s completely ridiculous. It wouldn’t hit the same as Damien’s bike would, anyway.
In what seems like only a few minutes, the MC’s garage and clubhouse come into view. I put my turn signal on and sit behind Ezra at the red light, feeling more reluctant with every clicking noise. I’m suddenly extremely selfish, because I don’t want Ezra to drive the Charger back to the Attic. What if he messes it up? What if the car won’t smell like Damien anymore? I know I’m being crazy. They’ve all done so much for us in the past month, and obviously, Ezra would never intentionally ruin Damien’s car. I just…I want to hold onto every piece of him for as long as I can… Maybe he can take Zeke’s car back.
No, that’s too much to ask, and it’s not even my car to offer up.
God, what is happening to me?
The light turns green, and I follow Ezra as we move to turn onto the next road, when Ezra blows the car horn. It’s loud and sharp, taking me by surprise, and I flinch harshly. Before I have time to process it, a vehicle hits Ezra and makes him spin around. The crash is even louder than the horn. Breaking metal and glass collide with it all, and it’s happening so quickly that I’m not sure I even register that it happened. The momentum makesthe Equinox spin, and before I can react, he’s slamming into me—causing even more noise.
Everything goes black for what seems like a second. It’s just long enough for me to blink, and a loud boom plays out next to me. I instinctively reach for my ears. The force of it sends my head into the side of the car, shattering the passenger side window, and my skull instantly starts to throb. A faint drip of something warm starts to run down my face, but it almost tickles, and I cringe lightly at the sensation. The inside of the car starts to spin, and my ears start to ring, muffling all other noises. Daisy’s barks break through the fog and keep me conscious. My heavy head whooshes forward as I try to gather my bearings. The plastic of the airbag grazes the warm drip, smearing it across my skin, and I cringe again. Why does it feel so hot? What is that popping feeling in my ear?
“ASHIA!”
Damien?I force my head up even more and look around, but everything is cloudy, and my eyes burn.
“Ashia!”
No, it’s Zeke.What the hell happened? I look to my right to see bright orange flames and smoke bellow out of my car and towards me. It all comes rushing back, and when I don’t immediately see Ezra, I choke up.
Oh God…we crashed?I look forward to the airbag again. My heart starts to pound in my chest, and my vision throbs with every strike.The baby…I grasp my belly tightly, like somehow that will protect them from anything. My mind starts to race, and all I can think of is how Damien always had his hand there when he drove me. I get why now.
“Ashia?! Hold on, we’re coming!” I hear Alex scream.
“Zeke? Alex?” I try to call out for them, but it only comes out in a whisper… I can’t fucking breathe… I’m frozen. The smoke starts to make its way into my throat, and I instinctively use myshirt to cover my mouth. It helps some, but I start to cough. My eyes water as they continue to burn. I can feel the sting in my sinuses, and it flares up with every pound inside my head.
My door flings open, making me jolt and pulling me back from the ledge. Zeke reaches across and unbuckles the seat belt before he drags me out. I feel Daisy’s fur brush against my leg, and the second I’m clear of the car, he picks me up and carries me to the sidewalk. She continues to bark loudly, but quickly follows. I grip Zeke so tightly that my nails dig into his skin, because I’m terrified of what will happen if I let go. My other hand continues to cradle my baby as he sets us down on the sidewalk, holding me between his legs…
Please be okay… Please be okay…
Alex appears in front of us, and he wipes his hand over my forehead before ripping his shirt off. I’m taken aback by it for a moment, not expecting to see my husband’s best friend without a shirt on, but then he holds it to my head as he brings his phone to his ear.
“You’re okay, Ash. It’s going to be okay. Are you hurt?” Zeke asks.
“I don’t—I don’t know. Zeke, I'm scared…” I whisper out, unable to control my tears. He moves his hand on top of mine as I begin to cry and breathe heavily. Daisy presses herself against me and lays her head on my chest. Somehow, the weight and warmth keep me grounded. I quickly glance at her and thankfully, I see that she’s unharmed.
“I know you are Ash, but it’s going to be okay. You said you’ve been able to feel the baby move, right?”
“Yeah…”
“Okay, do you feel it now?”
“I don’t—I don’t know…” My voice squeaks. He gently shushes me as he runs his other hand over my head, careful not to get inAlex’s way. I sink back into him, desperate to feel a hold that I can pretend is Damien’s.
“Just try to relax and take deep breaths. I know this is scary, but you need to try and stay as calm as possible, okay?” he coaches me. I nod my head and try to breathe like he said, but it’s so damn hard. After a few failed attempts, I remember Damien calming me the first night I met him—how he pressed his forehead to mine and made it look so easy. He instantly became my rock, and I didn’t even know it then. The memory comes back so vividly that I can almost feel the shower water around us. I know it’s probably just ashes or something, but I swear it’s almost there. I'm suddenly able to draw in a deep breath, and the muscles in my chest start to ease. “Good, that’s good. Now concentrate for me, okay? Do you feel the baby moving?”
