“We got him?” I ask, almost desperately. Ineedhim to tell me this is it. I have to know that we’re getting closer to finding Damien. He can’t have been in all of this pain for nothing. John can’t be fighting for his life in the hospital for nothing. Wehaveto find him.
“We fucking got him,” Carter confirms, and the energy around the room changes. There’s a violent determination, along with some hope that we haven’t had recently.
I let out a shaky breath and look back at Damien’s intake photo. Even though I’ve done nothing but stare at pictures of us, it seems like forever since I’ve seen his face look so stern and stoic. It reminds me of how strong he is, and everything we’ve already endured. I know he’s holding on, no matter what he’s going through, and Ihaveto make his fight mean something.
Chapter 29
Damien
‘Torn to Pieces’ – Pop Evil
Man, the sky is really cloudy today. I hope they don’t cancel Emma’s soccer game. She’s really excited about it because she’s playing her friend’s team. Apparently, they’re not friends while the game is going on, and I’m not sure I understand why. But, if she says we don’t like that girl for an hour, then we don’t like her. Emma’s a little demanding like that. Maybe I should root for her friend just to see her get mad.
“Get up, son. Enemies aren’t going to let you rest,” my dad reminds me, and I stand back up. He actually got me pretty good that time. The bottom of his boot hit me square in the chest, and I didn’t even see it coming.
“You’re not my enemy, Dad.” I grin at him, hoping that he can’t tell that his kick actually hurt.
“I may not be, but you should always envision that I am when we have our sessions. This is serious, Damien. I needyou to understand that,” he says through gritted teeth, and I straighten up.
“I do.”
“Do you?” He storms up to me, and when he swings his fist out at me, I react quickly and duck, but then fall to my face when my feet are swiped out from under me. My face hits dirt once again, but I don’t turn to look at the sky this time. I keep my momentum and roll over my shoulder, coming back up to my feet before I turn to face him. “There will come a day when I’m not able to protect you all, Damien. That will be your responsibility. A man always puts his family first—before anything.”
He suddenly looks really angry. I’m not sure who he was talking to on the phone earlier, or what they said, but he’s been really upset since. This isn’t just a normal lesson anymore. Something disturbed him, and whatever that is, he’s going to make sure I’m ready for it one day.
“Yes, sir.” I square back up, ready to fight like he didn’t make us waffles this morning, but I relax once my father does as well. He looks up at the sky, and now I’m confused. Ever since that call, Dad’s been really weird today—really quiet. Even more so than normal, which means he’s barely said anything at all. “You alright, Dad?”
He doesn’t respond. His chest is rising and falling like he’s calm, but I know he’s anything but. Sometimes, he does this thing where he gets ‘stuck.’ I never know what to do. Mom does it sometimes too, but not as intensely. She’s easier to pull back. I pretty much just have to tell her I love her, or make her some tea, and she’s back to normal Mom. Dad? Definitely not. He stared at the front door for six hours once, and it freaked Emma out so badly that she tried to convince Mom to call a doctor. It wasn’t long after that he snapped out of it, and then we never spoke of it again. Emma and I try to keep them occupied so itdoesn’t happen again, but on days like today, there’s not much we can do.
His gaze remains fixed on the clouds until he slowly moves to look at me.
“I’m fine, son.” He takes a deep breath. “I’m sorry that I put all of this on you, but it’s necessary.”
I can’t help but scrunch my nose. Dad’s face doesn’t look right. He looks younger, somehow, like his eyes aren’t as hard anymore. It’s similar to Emma’s when she watches some cute puppy video, and I feel bad. He’s never said something like that to me, but I know. My dad is afraid of a lot, no matter what Emma seems to think. I understand why we do this, and I want to learn everything I can from him.
“I know, Dad. I like it.” I try to reassure him, but he frowns and looks away again. Did I say something wrong? Should I hate it? It makes me feel strong. Plus, it’s great when my friends want to wrestle. I kick their butts every time.
“Do you know that you could become anything you wanted?” my dad asks without looking back at me.
“Yes, sir.”
He looks back at me finally with a curious curl to his lip.
“What do you want to be?” he asks me seriously. I just tilt my head a little before I answer him, because I’m not sure he’s ever asked me that before.
“An astronaut, probably. But I guess if that didn’t work out, I’d want to be Batman. Both of those things seem a little out of reach, though,” I chuckle, hoping to lighten my dad’s mood. It doesn’t work. His frown only deepens, and he lightly shakes his head.
“Nothing is out of reach for you, son.” He steps toward me. “If you want to be Batman, be Batman. If you want to be an astronaut, do that. Do anything and everything that will make you feel whole.” He stops only a couple of feet away and looksdown at me. It’s not by much, considering I’ve grown so much over the summer, but I’m not quite as tall as him yet. “Why do you want to be an astronaut?”
I shrug at his question.
“I think there’s a lot of resources that we haven’t discovered yet. Like, what if there’s a metal so strong on Pluto that it never breaks? Or water from Mars that keeps people from getting sick? I don’t think we were always meant to stay here. I mean, why else have the other planets?”
He nods a little bit, like he’s actually impressed. My father isn’t one to show his emotions so openly. So, now that he’s actually showing some interest, I’ll tell him whatever he wants to hear. I get a little excited, but then he just looks back at the sky another time. Is he thinking of what I said? Does it sound stupid?
“My one wish for you, Damien,” he starts, but then has to swallow harshly. “Is that you become a greater man than I.” He takes a deep breath, and I don’t miss the way his fists clench at his sides. “I think you’re already off to a great start.”
Did I just hear him right?
