“No. Not alone. Victoria came with me to show me around, and I had Carter in my ear from the house.”
“Ashia—” he says through gritted teeth, but I stop him.
“I’m only showing you this to prove a point to you, baby. You can be mad at me for it later.” I turn my head back to the building, conjuring up the memory of its flames without even having to concentrate. I can still smell the smoke and feel the burn to my eyes when it got too out of control. We didn’t stay too long, because we knew we couldn’t get caught, but I wanted to see this hell hole fall apart. “The only thing you’ve donetome, Damien, is free me.Iburned this place to the ground because Iwantedto. I stomped DeLuca’s corpse into the stone floor because Iwantedto…” My eyes are glued onto what’s left of the foundation, nothing but burnt wood and crumbled stone. I fight not to cry, though I can feel my emotions starting to overwhelm me. “Because that vile bitch hurt the love of my life.”
He moves to stand in front of me, obstructing my view, only to replace it with a face that is both striking and soothing. His massive stature looms over me, and even after all of this time, I’m not used to it. I’m not sure I ever will be. His hair may be cut differently than when I met him, but he’s stillmyDamien. The way his dark hair falls over his hypnotizing blue eyes, and how his muscles block any danger from my path still makes my heart flutter to this day. He’s immaculate. Perfect. Even as he looks down at me with anger and disappointment, his love and devotion for me shines even brighter.
I lay my hand on his chest, needing to absorb his racing pulse beneath my palm as I speak.
“Iwanted to do those things. This protectiveness, this intense need to avenge the ones I love, has always lived inside me. I’m just safe enough with you to finally be that person again—to befree. You haveneverforced anything upon me, Damien. You have made sure, ateveryturn, thateverychoice was mine. I chose to be with you. I chose to love you. I chose to marry you and have babies with you.” I poke his chest with every sentence, hoping to drill my point into his heart. “I. Chose. You. And I would over and over again for as long as time exists.”
When his face softens, I move again, taking his hands and squeezing them while I stare up at him like I’m begging God to let me in. I’d sink to my knees if it meant he’d welcome me into his kingdom.
“Your crazy matches mine, remember? We don’t work because you forced it. We work because we’resupposedto. We were made for each other, and if that means you sink into insanity? Then I’m diving right in after you, baby. It willalwaysbe us.” He finally steps in a little closer, allowing me the privilege of inhaling his hearty scent. I suck in, desperate to have it fill my lungs. “So maybe I am a monster, but I’ve always been that way.” A small grin creeps into the corner of his lips, and the burst of excitement that fills my chest is indescribable. “Will you still love me anyway?”
He drops my hands to cup my face, spreading his large hands enough to also grip the sides of my jaw and throat.
“You’re out of your fucking mind if you think I’d ever stop loving you,” he declares. Before I can even blink, he bends down and crashes his lips to mine, sealing our fate once again. His kiss is hot and heavy, like he was just waiting for me to shut up so he could do it. I gasp as he pulls away, taking my breath with him. His eyes are stern again, staring at me with that hardness thatsends a thrill through my spine. “Don’t youeverleave without telling me where you’re going again.”
“I won’t if you stop doubting yourself… Doubting us,” I wager, knowing that I’m on thin ice. The hardness in his face vanishes, and my heart twists.
“Idon’tdoubt us.”
“Good, then don’t doubt yourself, either,” I snap back, and it’s like it finally clicks for him. By thinking less of himself, he believes less in us. When he belittles himself, he degrades the one thing he puts beforeanythingelse—my heart. His eyes look clear, full of realization, and after he searches my own, he nods only once.
“I won’t.”
I reach up and kiss him again, unable to stop myself. Damien leans into me, stepping between my legs and pressing me into the car. His confidence is slowly returning. I don’t expect it to come back overnight, but I’m hoping that when it does, it’s solid and unwavering. I want him to see himself in the same light as others do—the same heavenly glow that I do.
When he pulls away again, he places a gentle kiss on my nose, then pulls me to stand straight before leading me to the passenger side door. Before I know it, I’m in the seat, buckled in, and he’s climbing into the driver’s side with a new energy—one that’s determined and sure.
“What are we doing?” I ask as he turns the engine over and immediately puts the car in reverse.
“We’re going back to the Attic.”
A proud grin sprouts on my face, and I entangle my fingers with his free hand as I relax against the seat once again.
Chapter 24
Damien
Five Days Later
‘DArkSide’ – Bring Me The Horizon
Five in the morning is too damn early. Kade better be here to say something worth our time, because if I see Ashia yawn again, we’re going back to bed. We haven’t gotten our sleep schedules back to normal since I went back to work. It’s gone well, though, and I’m proud of the progress I’ve made there. We haven’t all been there at once, because we’re not leaving Victoria and Elizabeth here by themselves, but I’m sure to always have Ashia with me. There are times when she naps in the office, but she’s been a trooper, trying to keep up with everything we’re doing.
The baby has been moving a lot at night, waking her up multiple times. We’re just a couple days short of her twenty-eighth week, and our coconut-sized baby girl is starting to takeup all of her mother’s womb. It’s both amazing and terrifying to learn about how she’s grown each week. Now, she can start to dream, and Ashia’s concerns about what she can hear matter even more. My wife was ahead of the game before I even learned all of the rules, and fuck, I admire her even more.
She adjusted her pillow the other night because of her hips aching, and ever since, I haven’t been able to sleep right. I can’t hold her like I normally do. It shouldn’t bother me so much, because I want her to be comfortable, but I just can’t sleep when I’m not curled around her. My leg should be between hers, not some Cheeto-shaped fluff ball. I’m wound up so tightly about it that I’ve been thinking of ways I could support her with my body instead. I know how absolutely ridiculous that is, but I also understand what a possessive, needy prick I am.
And I need my wife at all times.
“Jesus, D. What's wrong with you?” Carter shuffles up next to me, carrying his empty coffee mug and staring at mine like if I don’t hurry up, he’ll shove me out of the way.
“I didn't sleep well last night.” I pour the bitter gold into my cup and slide the pot back a little more aggressively than I probably should. There really isn’t anything to complain about. She’s still next to me every night, and she’s there when I open my eyes again. My hand always manages to find a part of her to grab onto while I sleep, but agitation bubbles under my skin anyway. I need to find a solution as quickly as possible, because I refuse to make Ashia feel bad for her comfort.
“Are you still having nightmares?”
