I wipe a tear away with a trembling hand before I continue, determined to keep going.
“I'm not mad that you want to fly across the country to save a little girl—of course you do. You wouldn’t bemyDamien if you didn’t. But I'm just starting to get you back. You’refinallystarting to come back to me, and now you want to leave?”
The baby starts kicking even harder, and all I can imagine is that it’s her way of telling me to calm down. I rub my belly subtly, looking down at it and thinking of everything she means to us. Just when it seems we’ll get everything we’ve ever wanted, it’s ripped away. This life isn’t forgiving. It doesn’t forget. Every time it vows to come for us again, it does, and it’s violent—attacking us the moment we think we’re safe.
We’re not safe.
“There’s too much that could happen.” I keep going, looking back up at him with desperate eyes. “So yes, I'm going to be a hormonal mess, and a shitty person, and not want you to go. I’m going to scream, and cry, and beg you to stay, because I’m scared.” My voice cracks with that last word, surprised that I said it out loud. Damien’s face tenses up, like he’s trying to control his emotions as well. “These past two months have been the worst of my life, too. I don’t want to live without you again. You were eight miles away…” I cry, unable to hold my tears anylonger. “Eight miles, and I couldn’t find you… Now, I’m just supposed to be okay with you going over three thousand?!”
He grips my face before I can get another word out, boring his stare into mine and pinning me in place.
“No. No, you’re not just supposed to be okay with it. I should’ve talked to you first. I should’ve told youeverythingmyself…but I was scared, too,” he admits, making my bottom lip tremble. “Hell, I’m still scared. I didn’t know what you’d think of me. I never wanted you to see me as weak as I’ve been…” He swallows harshly and blinks rapidly, trying to bat away his tears. “That was the worst month of my life, but only because it kept me from you. I can get over the torture, and I can move on from what I did, knowing that you accept me anyway. But what I can’t forgive myself for is the time I lost with you, and the pain that it put you through—fuck, all of the painI’veput you through. You held everything together so beautifully, but I had to watch what it did to you… You shouldneverhave been put in that position. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry that I wasn’t here…”
His thumbs run along my cheeks, wiping tears away. The weight of it all is crippling, and I’m so sick of hearing those words… He has nothing to be sorry for. It’s not his fault.Noneof this is his fault. I knew what being with him would entail. I knew what danger that came with it, and I accepted it without a second thought, diving in headfirst, knowing that I would over and over again. He can’t control what happens, but he throws himself into uncertainty every time the world—our world—is at risk. He’s constantly there for others, giving more and more of himself to protect the people around him, and I wanted to do the same. He deserves that commitment—that loyalty.
“I tried. I really did…” I sob, reaching up to squeeze his hands as they rest on my face. “I tried to keep it all together, to not show them the mess I was inside. I swear, I did… You worked so hard to build DH the way you did. I couldn’t let that crumble…You trusted me with it. I couldn’t let Satori’sstupidass tear it apart! I did everything I could to keep it going, but I just wanted to bring you home!” My face twists, contorting in pain.
My body shakes with powerful sobs, even as he cradles the back of my head with his hand and pulls me against him. He’s holding on so tightly that I can barely move, having to bury my face in his neck instead of his chest just to gasp for air. I fist his shirt, swearing to myself that I’m never letting go again.
“You wereperfect, little wolf. Do you hear me? You dideverythingright. You didsogood…” He kisses the top of my head before tightening his grip again. I fall into him, letting him swallow me whole. His strength is the only thing keeping us upright, and I put my unwavering faith in it.
“Please, don’t go…” I beg, willing to repeat the words until I die. It feels like I might if he pulls away from me. My heart is supposed to beat next to his. We’re meant to stay this close. I’m supposed to be in his arms forever, and even the thought of having to go without him again rips my heart to tattered pieces.
His face pulls away, and then he tries to nudge his way in, but I tighten my grip, refusing to let any space between us.
“Look at me, baby girl. Please?” His fingers brush my jawline until he catches my chin and pushes my head up, looking over my tear and snot covered face like I’m still the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. My watery gaze meets his, drowning me out with ever-changing, ocean blues. “I promise I’m coming home this time. Iamhome. I’m back now.Nothingis going to keep me from you again. You can let go of the reins, little wolf. I’mhere.”
He peppers small kisses over every inch of skin he can reach. First on my nose, then my forehead, cheeks, and chin until he nudges our faces together. I can feel him everywhere, our heat entangling and latching onto each other as we fight for closeness.
“Ihaveto do this, Ashia,” he declares quietly. “They have no one but us. We can’t let a little girl endure what we have.” I nod, knowing that he’s right, no matter how much it kills me inside. “You said you would wait forever for me. Can you wait a little longer?” His voice cracks, proving how much this pains him as well. I kiss his bottom lip as softly as I can, silently repeating my devotion.
“You better come home…” I whisper back. “I won’t survive another time without you…”
“Me either…” He kisses my forehead, leaning into me with quivering lips. This all still feels like a dream, like any moment he’ll fade away, and reality will show that he never came home. “I’ll tell you the entire plan while we eat, okay? My dad is coming to stay with you while we’re gone, and it’s going to be twenty-four hours, tops. I swear it.” He starts to justify their decision, and Carter steps up to us. A wave of anger washes over me as I realize they’ve been listening to us the entire time.
“I'm sorry, Ash. I booked the flight without even asking Damien. I just knew we needed to take the opportunity when it came along, and we need to get Danielle out of Seattle. If we’re going to save Elizabeth…”
“Carter?” I stop him before he can keep digging a bigger hole. “You know how much I like you, but you really need to learnnotto ruin a moment.” I wipe the tears from my face, hating how I catch Victoria’s gaze when I turn my head.
There’s no way I can keep being angry with her, not after what I saw. If it was our daughter in this situation, I would do anything to get to her. But I’m still so damn mad. I’m mad at the world, the circumstances, and all of the pain we’ve already been through. I don’t want to be mad at Damien, either. We deserve peace. I want to spend every second fawning over him, not arguing.
That doesn’t mean I can’t be mad at Carter, though.
I turn my attention back to him, remembering his tone before they went out tonight.
“And hey, don’t listen to our arguments when you won’t even tell me about yours,” I snap at him. Damien glances over at him before looking down at me with wide eyes.
“Oh, so he won’t tell you either?” he jokes, smirking through the last of his tears. I shake my head, knowing that if I deem Carter as my temporary frenemy, Damien will back me up. He always gets in Serena’s drama with me. I shouldn’t be surprised that he would get into Carter’s, too. “Damn, he must have done somethingreallybad.”
I shrug and wipe the remaining water from my face.
“I don’t know. I feel like if it wasthatbad, Ser would’ve told me about it.”
“Whoa. So,shewon’t even tell you?” His eyebrows shoot up, exaggerating his shock.
“Nope.” I pop the ‘p,’ just like Damien does, and it makes him smile, warming my heart.
“I'm standing right here, guys.” Carter huffs, and Damien turns to look at him again.
