“Yeah, as far as I know. But I haven’t heard from Nonnie since we escaped…”
I dip my head, wondering who she’s talking about. Elizabeth is her sister’s name, but I’m not sure I’ve heard of Nonnie before. Victoria quickly catches onto my confusion and clarifies.
“She’s our nanny. Well, just Elizabeth’s, now. Her name is Naomi, but when I was little, I couldn’t pronounce it right… So, she became Nonnie.” She chuckles softly, then blinks tears away. “She raised me, and she's helped me with Elizabeth since she was born, because let’s be honest. I have no idea what I’m doing. We were already dealt with a shitty dad, I don’t want to fuck her up, too… Thinking back on everything, I believe Nonnie's why I never realized how horrible my father was… She shielded me from it. I’m not sure Elizabeth’s been so lucky…” A tear breaks her eyelid, but she wipes it away before it can reach past her cheek.
I never assumed her whole life was silver spoons and marble floors, but even if it was, it was only there to cover up her father’s cruel hand. My dad has always been up front with me. I’ve always known who he was. I can’t begin to imagine what it’s like to discover your parent isn’t who you thought they were. That’s an entirely different level of betrayal.
“When I was little, Nonnie would be fine when I went to bed, but the next morning she’d have bruises, cuts, and even broken bones a few times… I would ask what happened, and she wouldgive me any lie she could, like she fell down the stairs or tripped over a broom. There was even this one time she told me that a feral street cat attacked her.” Victoria shakes her head again and looks down to her feet, trying to hide the guilt on her face. “I miss her, too…but we promised each other that Elizabeth was our priority now… Dr. Von’s been encouraging patience—‘when the time is right’ kind of thing. She’s helped me work through some things, and accept some situations that I don’t really want to—”
“Then don’t,” I interrupt. “You shouldn’t have to accept anything. What you’ve been through is horrible.”
“Yeah, it was, and itstillsucks, but she’s helped me come to terms with what I have, not what could’ve been. I could still be back there, with them, but at least I’m here now. Maybe she can help you, too.”
I can’t help but roll my eyes.
“Please, she’s bat-shit.”
“Who in this house isn’t?”
“Ashia isn’t,” I declare and Victoria starts laughing—hysterically.
“You really think that, huh? Your wife tried to kill me, and she wasn’t even in the house for five minutes.” She holds up her arm to show a fresh, pink scar on her forearm. I’m taken aback by it for a moment, unaware that had happened.
“She’s feisty.” I shrug, willing to defend Ashia’s actions.
“Listen, I don’t mean it in a bad way. I just mean that we’ve all obviously been through a lot of shit lately. For Dr. Von to do what she does, and deal with people like us, she has to be good for something,” Victoria adds.
“I don’t know about that. She said Ashia and I are having trouble communicating…”
“Well, you are.” She shrugs back at me, like she knows something I don’t and is taunting me for it.
“Fuck you.”
“Well!” Victoria gestures to our bedroom door, but I don’t turn around.
“If I talk to her about it…if I tell her what I did…she’ll hate me.” I admit quietly.
“Damien, I don’t think that could ever happen.”
“You don’t know what she’s been through—the pain that she’s already experienced in her life. If she knew what I did, she would be afraid of me… I can’t bear the thought of her being scared of me again…”
“Ireallythink she’ll surprise you.” Her voice carries absolution, as if she’s so sure of her answer.
“I know she’ll always love me…but she shouldn’t have to live in fear of the monster I’ve become…”
“Turn around and look inside.” I raise an eyebrow at her demand.
“What?”
She rolls her eyes.
“Just do it.” I do as she says, and my eyes immediately lock onto Ashia. She’s sitting on our bed, talking on the phone with a stern face, and even with one arm draped across her belly, her hand is waving and jutting out, clearly in an intense conversation. “That’s not fear on her face, Damien. That’s determination. She is willing to do whatever it takes to help you heal.”
“She wants me to be the man I was…”
“I’m not so sure about that,” she says honestly. I look back down at her as she throws her wild locks into a rather large knot on top of her head. “Like you just said, she will always love you. To me, it seems like she knows exactly what trauma does to people. She’s determined to love you, no matter what version of you comes out of the other side of this. You didn’t see everything. I had to watch her tear through buildings and kill crime bossesto try and find you. She’s not scared of what youthinkyou’ve become, and she definitely isn’t scared of who you are. You just have to let her show you that.”
My body heats at her words, knowing somewhere deep down that she’s right. That might just make it worse, though.
