A sob forces its way out, and I bite my cheeks to stifle anymore. I want to cast it all away. If I had a choice, every moment I’ve endured this past month would just disappear. I want that so fucking badly that I would do anything to let this go. My family deserves a husband and father that can step outside without thinking the trees are trying to kill them all. They deserve to live a life without danger or consequences for actions they didn't commit. They've earned a life without my pain. I just want them to be safe.
“It hurts so fucking much, Dad…”
“I know… I know, son. That's when you let your family help you. Your wife will be what heals you. Your child will make the world brighter again. It's what we have when we come home that makes the fight worth it. So, tell me… Forget what your mind says. Forget what you did, even if it's only for a little while. Cast out all of the bad that you feel you should atone for. Force away whatever your head is telling you that youneed. What do youwant?”
“I want my wife…” I whisper. I’m not sure how much longer I can go without holding her—how much time I can handle without staring into her eyes. My body is still so sore, and my head is a mess, but it’s soothing when she’s near. I want her to know that I’m not angry with her. She needs to understand that I desire her more than anything else in this world. I need her to know that no matter how long I was gone, that I thought of her every second.
“Then go to her. Embrace her. Everything else will still be there to haunt you tomorrow. Take her love whenever you can.”
Chapter 7
Ashia
“Okay, great. Thank you so much. We’ll have everything ready by the time you get here.” I pull the phone away to hang up and text Alex an update before I drop it in my lap. He’s been worried sick about Damien, and he keeps asking for new information—even though he should be focusing on Trina. I knew he would have FOMO when we sent him home, but he needs rest too, and there wasn’t much he could do here while Damien was unconscious. Now that he’s awake and lucid, though, Alex is getting fidgety. I can tell from his texts alone.
The therapist sounded nice enough. I was a little surprised when she didn’t want details before she agreed, but I’m assuming Leanne answered her questions when she initially contacted her. Apparently, a part of her training was John and Leanne’s case. So, it helps that she’s at least familiar with the Italians already. I hope it’ll be beneficial for Damien, but there’s also the question of whether he’ll even speak to her.
I keep glancing towards the back door, hoping he’s okay. He hasn’t screamed, and there haven’t been any gunshots, so I’m taking that as a good sign. A part of me was worried that he would lash out at John, but it seems by the lack of commotion, that hasn’t happened yet. Leanne is still in the kitchen, but she’s moving slowly to try and not make any harsh sounds. Thankfully, even Daisy settled down after he came back inside the first time. She’s lying in the corner of the room, taking a nap.
“What do we need to do to get ready for the therapist?” Zeke asks as he sits on the other side of the couch. He was in the office with Carter, helping him with the security system again, and when I heard them order twelve new cameras, I stopped listening in on them.
“We’ll need to get another room ready, since she’s going to be staying here while she conducts his sessions. Well, two I guess, unless she’s going to use Damien’s office to talk to him.”
“Why is she staying here?”
“Apparently she wants to see how he acts in a normal setting.”
“Is anything about what we do normal?” he jokes, and I can’t help but chuckle.
“No. No, it’s not. But I guess she means ‘normal for us.’”
“Do we even have another room or two?” He cocks a brow, and now I’m stumped. Between Damien and I’s room, Zeke, Carter, Ser, now John and Leanne, Victoria—I groan even just thinking of her—and just in case Alex does insist on coming back, I’m not so sure. I didn’t realize how many people we actually had staying here recently.
“I think so. Once Damien is done with the bedroom down here, that’ll open more space, too.”
“There’s too many damn people in this house.” Zeke sprouts a grin.
“I second that. Hopefullyanotherperson will leave soon,” I say hatefully, implying Victoria. As I focus again from rolling myeyes, I notice Zeke’s grin has vanished, and he seems to have that blank stare again. “Are you okay?” I ask him.
“Yeah, I'm alright. I’ve just been thinking a lot since we got D back. I have to figure out what I’m going to do once I get rid of the apartment,” he says lowly, and I hate the way the back of my neck tingles.
“What do you mean?”
He looks back at me with creases on his forehead and a sly grin.
“I can’t live with you guys forever, Ash.”
“Well, maybe not forever, but there’s nothing to figure out. You can stay here as long as you want. You know that, right?” I don’t even want to think of Zeke living by himself again. If I’m being honest with myself, I don’t want him toeverbe alone again. The thought of him diving back into that dark place in his mind is too much for me to handle. I don’t want to think that he’ll try to kill himself again…
“I know, but what am I supposed to do with all of the furniture and shit? There’s no use in having that apartment for a storage unit.”
“You don’t have to do that yet, Zeke. You have some time until the lease is up.”
“No, I need to. Tay’s mom took all of her stuff anyway, so it’s just filled with my belongings, collecting dust.”
Anger rolls over me, and that tingling behind my neck moves down to my chest. First, Taylor’s mom wouldn’t let him attend the funeral, and now she just took everything without asking him? My mind reels, trying to process it. I sit up a little straighter and grip the couch cushion, ready to raise hell.
“What?! She took all of her stuff? When?”
